LDS Women Are Incredible

LDS Women Are Incredible!
BY ELDER QUENTIN L. COOK
Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Much of what we accomplish in the Church is due to the selfless service of women.
Author and historian Wallace Stegner wrote about the Mormon migration and gathering to the Salt Lake Valley. He did not accept our faith and in many ways was critical; nevertheless, he was impressed with the devotion and heroism of our early Church members, especially the women. He stated, “Their women were incredible.”1 I echo that sentiment today. Our Latter-day Saint women are incredible!

God placed within women divine qualities of strength, virtue, love, and the willingness to sacrifice to raise future generations of His spirit children.

A recent United States study asserts that women of all faiths “believe more fervently in God” and attend more religious services than men do. “By virtually every measure they are more religious.”2

I was not surprised by this result, particularly as I reflected on the preeminent role of families and women in our faith. Our doctrine is clear: Women are daughters of our Heavenly Father, who loves them. Wives are equal to their husbands. Marriage requires a full partnership where wives and husbands work side by side to meet the needs of the family.3

We know there are many challenges for women, including those striving to live the gospel.

Heritage of Pioneer Sisters
A predominant attribute in the lives of our pioneer ancestors is the faith of the sisters. Women by divine nature have the greater gift and responsibility for home and children and nurturing there and in other settings. In light of this, the faith of the sisters in being willing to leave their homes to cross the plains for the unknown was inspiring. If one had to characterize their most significant attribute, it would be their unwavering faith in the restored gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ.

The heroic accounts of what these pioneer women sacrificed and accomplished as they crossed the plains is a priceless legacy to the Church. I am moved by the account of Elizabeth Jackson, whose husband Aaron died after the last crossing of the Platte River with the Martin handcart company. She wrote:

“I will not attempt to describe my feelings at finding myself thus left a widow with three children, under such excruciating circumstances. … I believe … that my sufferings for the Gospel’s sake will be sanctified unto me for my good. …

“I [appealed] to the Lord, … He who had promised to be a husband to the widow, and a father to the fatherless. I appealed to him and he came to my aid.”4

Elizabeth said she was writing the history on behalf of those who passed through like scenes with the hope that posterity would be willing to suffer and sacrifice all things for the kingdom of God.5

Women in the Church Today Are Strong and Valiant
I believe the women of the Church today meet that challenge and are every bit as strong and faithful. The priesthood leadership of this Church at all levels gratefully acknowledges the service, sacrifice, commitment, and contribution of the sisters.

Much of what we accomplish in the Church is due to the selfless service of women. Whether in the Church or in the home, it is a beautiful thing to see the priesthood and the Relief Society work in perfect harmony. Such a relationship is like a well-tuned orchestra, and the resulting symphony inspires all of us.

When I was recently assigned to a conference in the Mission Viejo California Stake, I was touched by an account of their four-stake New Year’s Eve youth dance. Following the dance, a purse was found with no outside identification. I share with you part of what Sister Monica Sedgwick, the Young Women president in the Laguna Niguel stake, recorded: “We didn’t want to pry; this was someone’s personal stuff! So we gingerly opened it and grabbed the first thing that was on top—hopefully, it would identify her. It did, but in another way—it was a For the Strength of Youth pamphlet. Wow! This told us something about her. Then we reached in for the next item, a little notebook. Surely this would give us answers, but not the kind we were expecting. The first page was a list of favorite scriptures. There were five more pages of carefully written scriptures and personal notes.”

The sisters immediately wanted to meet this stalwart young woman. They returned to that purse to identify its owner. They pulled out some breath mints, soap, lotion, and a brush. I loved their comments: “Oh, good things come out of her mouth; she has clean and soft hands; and she takes care of herself.”

They eagerly awaited the next treasure. Out came a clever little homemade coin purse made from a cardboard juice carton, and there was some money in a zippered pocket. They exclaimed, “Ahh, she’s creative and prepared!” They felt like little children on Christmas morning. What they pulled out next surprised them even more: a recipe for Black Forest chocolate cake and a note to make the cake for a friend’s birthday. They almost screamed, “She’s a HOMEMAKER! Thoughtful and service minded.” Then, yes, finally some identification. The youth leaders said they felt greatly blessed “to observe the quiet example of a young lady living the gospel.”6

This account illustrates the commitment of our young women to Church standards.7 It is also an example of caring, interested, dedicated Young Women leaders all over the world. They are incredible!

Sisters have key roles in the Church, in family life, and as individuals that are essential in Heavenly Father’s plan. Many of these responsibilities do not provide economic compensation but do provide satisfaction and are eternally significant. Recently a delightful and very capable woman on a newspaper editorial board asked for a description of the role of women in the Church. It was explained that all of the leaders in our congregations are unpaid. She interrupted to say her interest had diminished significantly. She said, “I don’t believe women need any more unpaid jobs.”

We pointed out that the most important organization on earth is the family, where “fathers and mothers are … equal partners.”8 Neither one is financially compensated, but the blessings are beyond description. We of course told her about the Relief Society, Young Women, and Primary organizations that are guided by women presidents. We noted that from our earliest history both men and women pray, perform the music, give the sermons, and sing in the choir, even in sacrament meeting, our most sacred meeting.

The recent highly acclaimed book American Grace reported on women in many faiths. It noted that Latter-day Saint women are unique in being overwhelmingly satisfied with their role in Church leadership.9 Furthermore, Latter-day Saints as a whole, men and women, have the strongest attachment to their faith of any of the religions studied.10

Our women are not incredible because they have managed to avoid the difficulties of life—quite the opposite. They are incredible because of the way they face the trials of life. Despite the challenges and tests life has to offer—from marriage or lack of marriage, children’s choices, poor health, lack of opportunities, and many other problems—they remain remarkably strong and immovable and true to the faith. Our sisters throughout the Church consistently “succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees.”11

One Relief Society president who acknowledged this extraordinary service said, “Even when the sisters serve, they are thinking, ‘If only I could have done more!’” Though they are not perfect and all face individual struggles, their faith in a loving Father in Heaven and the assurance of the atoning sacrifice of the Savior permeates their lives.

Role of Sisters in the Church
During the last three years, the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve have sought guidance, inspiration, and revelation as we have counseled with priesthood and auxiliary leaders and worked on the new Church handbooks. In this process I have experienced feelings of overwhelming appreciation for the essential role that sisters, both married and single, have historically played and now play both in the family and in the Church.

All members of the Church of Jesus Christ are “to labor in his vineyard for the salvation of the souls of men.”12 “[The] work of salvation includes member missionary work, convert retention, activation of less-active members, temple and family history work, … teaching the gospel,”13 and caring for the poor and needy.14 This is administered primarily through the ward council.15

Specifically, it is intended in the new handbooks that bishops, sensitive to existing demands, will delegate more responsibilities. Members need to recognize that the bishop has been instructed to delegate. Members need to sustain and support him as he follows this counsel. This will allow the bishop to spend more time with the youth, young single adults, and his own family. He will delegate other important responsibilities to priesthood leaders, presidents of auxiliaries, and individual men and women. In the Church the role of women in the home is highly respected.16 When the mother receives a Church calling that requires significant time, the father will often be given a less-demanding calling in order to maintain balance in the lives of the family.

Several years ago I attended a stake conference in Tonga. Sunday morning the three front rows of the chapel were filled with men between 26 and 35 years of age. I assumed they were a men’s choir. But when the business of the conference was conducted, each of these men, 63 in total, stood up as their names were read and were sustained for ordination to the Melchizedek Priesthood. I was both pleased and stunned.

After the session I asked President Mateaki, the stake president, how this miracle had been accomplished. He told me that in a stake council meeting reactivation was being discussed. His stake Relief Society president, Sister Leinata Va’enuku, asked if it would be appropriate for her to say something. As she spoke, the Spirit confirmed to the president that what she was suggesting was true. She explained that there were large numbers of wonderful young men in their late 20s and 30s in their stake who had not served missions. She said many of them knew they had disappointed bishops and priesthood leaders who had strongly encouraged them to serve a mission, and they now felt like second-class members of the Church. She pointed out that these young men were beyond missionary age. She expressed her love and concern for them. She explained that all of the saving ordinances were still available to them and the focus should be on priesthood ordinations and the ordinances of the temple. She noted that while some of these young men were still single, the majority of them had married wonderful women—some active, some inactive, and some not members.

After thorough discussion in the stake council, it was decided that the men of the priesthood and the women of the Relief Society would reach out to rescue these men and their wives, while the bishops spent more of their time with the young men and young women in the wards. Those involved in the rescue focused primarily on preparing them for the priesthood, eternal marriage, and the saving ordinances of the temple. During the next two years, almost all of the 63 men who had been sustained to the Melchizedek Priesthood at the conference I attended were endowed in the temple and had their spouses sealed to them. This account is but one example of how critical our sisters are in the work of salvation in our wards and stakes and how they facilitate revelation, especially in family and Church councils.17

Role of Sisters in the Family
We recognize that there are enormous forces arrayed against women and families. Recent studies find there is deterioration in devotion to marriage, with a decrease in the number of adults being married.18 For some, marriage and family are becoming “a menu choice rather than the central organizing principle of our society.”19 Women are confronted with many options and need to prayerfully consider the choices they make and how those choices affect the family.

When I was in New Zealand last year, I read in an Auckland newspaper of women, not of our faith, struggling with these issues. One mother said she realized that in her case, her choice about whether to work or stay home was about a new carpet and a second car that she didn’t really need. Another woman, however, felt “the biggest enemy of a happy family life was not paid work—it was television.” She said that families are TV rich and family-time poor.20

These are very emotional, personal decisions, but there are two principles that we should always keep in mind. First, no woman should ever feel the need to apologize or feel that her contribution is less significant because she is devoting her primary efforts to raising and nurturing children. Nothing could be more significant in our Father in Heaven’s plan. Second, we should all be careful not to be judgmental or assume that sisters are less valiant if the decision is made to work outside the home. We rarely understand or fully appreciate people’s circumstances. Husbands and wives should prayerfully counsel together, understanding they are accountable to God for their decisions.

You devoted sisters who are single parents for whatever reason, our hearts reach out to you with appreciation. Prophets have made it clear “that many hands stand ready to help you. The Lord is not unmindful of you. Neither is His Church.”21 I would hope that Latter-day Saints would be at the forefront in creating an environment in the workplace that is more receptive and accommodating to both women and men in their responsibilities as parents.

You valiant and faithful single sisters, please know that we love and appreciate you, and we assure you that no eternal blessing will be withheld from you.

The remarkable pioneer woman Emily H. Woodmansee penned the text of the hymn “As Sisters in Zion.” She correctly asserts that the “errand of angels is given to women.”22 This has been described as “nothing less than to do the direct and immediate bidding of our Father in Heaven, and ‘this is a gift that … sisters … claim.’”23

Dear sisters, we love and admire you. We appreciate your service in the Lord’s kingdom. You are incredible! I express particular appreciation for the women in my life. I testify of the reality of the Atonement, the divinity of the Savior, and the Restoration of His Church, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.


Notes

  1. Wallace Stegner, The Gathering of Zion: The Story of the Mormon Trail (1971), 13.
  2. Robert D. Putnam and David E. Campbell, American Grace: How Religion Divides and Unites Us (2010), 233.
  3. See Handbook 2: Administering the Church (2010), 1.3.1; see also Moses 5:1, 4, 12, 27.
  4. In Andrew D. Olsen, The Price We Paid: The Extraordinary Story of the Willie and Martin Handcart Pioneers (2006), 445.
  5. See “Leaves from the Life of Elizabeth Horrocks Jackson Kingsford,” Utah State Historical Society, Manuscript A 719; in “Remembering the Rescue,” Ensign, Aug. 1997, 47.
  6. Combined and shortened from an e-mail written by Monica Sedgwick, stake Young Women president of the Laguna Niguel California Stake, and a talk given by Leslie Mortensen, stake Young Women president of the Mission Viejo California Stake.
  7. In an article titled “Why Do We Let Them Dress Like That?” (Wall Street Journal, Mar. 19–20, 2011, C3), a thoughtful Jewish mother advocates for dress standards and modesty and acknowledges the example of Mormon women.
  8. “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” Liahona and Ensign, Nov. 2010, 129.
  9. See Putnam and Campbell, American Grace, 244–45.
  10. See Putnam and Campbell, American Grace, 504.
  11. Doctrine and Covenants 81:5; see also Mosiah 4:26.
  12. Doctrine and Covenants 138:56.
  13. Handbook 2: Administering the Church (2010), page 22.
  14. See Handbook 2, 6.1.
  15. See Handbook 2, 4.5.
  16. See Emily Matchar, “Why I Can’t Stop Reading Mormon Housewife Blogs,” salon.com/life/feature/2011/01/15/feminist_obsessed_with_mormon_blogs. This self-described feminist and atheist acknowledges this respect and says she is addicted to reading Mormon housewife blogs.
  17. From conversations with Nuku’alofa Tonga Ha’akame Stake president Lehonitai Mateaki (who subsequently served as president of the Papua New Guinea Port Moresby Mission) and stake Relief Society president Leinata Va’enuku.
  18. See D’Vera Cohn and Richard Fry, “Women, Men, and the New Economics of Marriage,” Pew Research Center, Social and Demographic Trends, pewsocialtrends.org. The number of children being born has also decreased significantly in many countries. This has been called the demographic winter.
  19. “A Troubling Marriage Trend,” Deseret News, Nov. 22, 2010, A14, quoting a report on msnbc.com.
  20. See Simon Collins, “Put Family before Moneymaking Is Message from Festival,” New Zealand Herald, Feb. 1, 2010, A2.
  21. Gordon B. Hinckley, “Women of the Church,” Ensign, Nov. 1996, 69; see also Spencer W. Kimball, “Our Sisters in the Church,” Ensign, Nov. 1979, 48–49.
  22. “As Sisters in Zion,” Hymns, no. 309.
  23. Karen Lynn Davidson, Our Latter-Day Hymns: The Stories and the Messages, rev. ed. (2009), 338–39.

Greed, Selfishness, and Overindulgence

Greed, Selfishness, and Overindulgence

ELDER JOE J. CHRISTENSEN

Of the Presidency of the Seventy

I am confident that we will literally be called upon to make an accounting before God concerning how we have used [our resources] to bless lives and build the kingdom.

They say the gospel is to comfort the afflicted and to afflict the comforted. My purpose today is to speak to the comforted: the rich, the poor, and all of us in between.

The Lord has said, “Wo unto you rich men, … for your riches will canker your souls.” He has also said, “Wo unto you poor men, whose hearts are not broken, … [and] whose eyes are full of greediness.” 1

Many of you probably have heard this little prayer somebody wrote:

“Dear God,

“So far today I have done all right. I haven’t gossiped, haven’t lost my temper, haven’t been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or overly indulgent. But in a few minutes, Lord, I am going to get out of bed, and from then on, I am probably going to need a lot more help.”

When it comes to overcoming being greedy, selfish, and overly indulgent, we all need a lot more help. In his candid manner, President Brigham Young said: “The worst fear … I have about this people is that they will get rich in this country, forget God and His people, wax fat, and kick themselves out of the Church. … My greater fear … is that they cannot stand wealth.” 2

Our prosperity brings some real challenges because many are getting rich, more of us are waxing fat, and as a result of greed, selfishness, and overindulgence, we could lose the Spirit and literally kick ourselves out of the Church.

Money and material things are on the minds of almost everyone. As Morris Chalfant wrote: “The great [question] of the twentieth century is, ‘How can I acquire wealth?’ No question occupies a larger place in the minds and … hearts of … people today than this. … This is true of men in every station and in every walk of life.” 3

Money in and of itself is not an evil, but as Paul taught Timothy, it is the love of money that is the root of all evil. 4 There are some of the wealthy who deal with their prosperity very well using their resources to bless others and build the kingdom. For many, however, wealth presents major difficulties.

As we deal with the materialism that threatens us, here are four suggestions for each of us to consider:

First, we should not confuse wants with needs.

My mother taught me an important lesson along these lines. For many years my father had a practice of trading for a new car every year. Then, shortly after World War II when grain prices increased, we were surprised one day when Dad drove home in a more expensive car.

One morning my mother asked, “How much more did the new car cost than the other one?”

When Dad told her, my mother said, “Well, the other car has always been able to get me where I need to go. I think we ought to give the difference to someone who needs it more than we do.”

And so it was. The next year Dad returned to the less-expensive cars, and they continued their generous ways.

If we are not careful, it is easy for our wants to become needs. Remember the line “There, there, little luxury, don’t you cry. You’ll be a necessity by and by.”

Second, we should avoid spoiling children by giving them too much.

In our day, many children grow up with distorted values because we as parents overindulge them. Whether you are well-to-do or, like most of us, of more modest means, we as parents often attempt to provide children with almost everything they want thus taking away from them the blessing of anticipating, of longing for something they do not have. One of the most important things we can teach our children is to deny themselves. Instant gratification generally makes for weak people. How many truly great individuals do you know who never had to struggle?

Elder Maxwell has voiced this concern when he said: “A few of our wonderful youth and young adults in the Church are unstretched. They have almost a free pass. Perks are provided, including cars complete with fuel and insurance—all paid for by parents who sometimes listen in vain for a few courteous and appreciative words. What is thus taken for granted … tends to underwrite selfishness and a sense of entitlement.” 5

A wise young mother said: “I choose not to give our children what I can afford to give them. I hold back for their sake.”

In the words of Fred Gosman, “Children who always get what they want will want as long as they live.” 6 And somewhere along the line it is important for the character development of our children to learn that “the earth still revolves around the sun” and not around them. 7 Rather, we should train our children to ask themselves the question, How is the world a better place because they are in it?

We live in a world of entertainment in full color with a lot of fast action, a world in which many children grow up thinking that if it isn’t fun, it is boring and not worthwhile. Even in family activities, we need to strike a balance between play and work. Some of my most memorable experiences while growing up centered around family activities: learning how to shingle a roof, build a fence, or working in the garden. Rather than being all work and no play, for many of our children it is almost all play and very little work.

As a consequence of overindulgence, many children leave homes ill-prepared to meet the real world. President Hinckley said: “Of course, we need to earn a living. The Lord told Adam that in the sweat of his face should he eat bread all the days of his life. It is important that we qualify ourselves to be self-reliant, particularly that every young man at the time of marriage be ready and able to assume the responsibilities of providing for his companion and for the children who may come to that home.” 8

All too many enter marriage who have never learned to cook, sew, or develop other important life skills. Ignorance of these needed skills, along with the lack of understanding of the management of money, sow the seeds for many failures in our children’s marriages.

I fear that in many cases we are rearing children who are slaves to expensive fads and fashions. Remember the scripture, “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” 9 How do we determine where our treasure is? To do so, we need to evaluate the amount of time, money, and thought we devote to something. Might it not be well to evaluate how much focus we place on shopping and spending?

This does not mean that our children should not dress in some of the appropriate clothing that is in fashion because that can be very important to them. But they don’t need a closet full. As members of the Church, we have a responsibility to present ourselves in a well-groomed, attractive, and modest manner. With good planning, this can be done without being driven to spend extravagantly on our clothing.

More than 10 times, the prophets in the Book of Mormon warn us about the problems of pride related to the nature of our clothing. Here is one example of them: “And it came to pass … that the people of the church began to wax proud, because of their exceeding riches, and their fine silks, and their fine-twined linen. … in all these things were they lifted up in the pride of their eyes, for they began to wear very costly apparel.” 10

We would do well if in all these areas of material things we and our children would follow the oft-quoted motto of our pioneer forebears to “fix it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without.”

Third, as we have heard so often, live modestly and avoid debt as if it were a plague.

President Hinckley recently reminded us of President Heber J. Grant’s statement: “If there is any one thing that will bring peace and contentment into the human heart, and into the family, it is to live within our means, and if there is any one thing that is grinding, and discouraging and disheartening it is to have debts and obligations that one cannot meet.” 11

Samuel Johnson said, “Do not accustom yourself to consider debt as an inconvenience, you will find it [to be] a calamity.”

How much house do we really need to accommodate our family comfortably? We should not endanger ourselves either spiritually or economically by acquiring homes which are ostentatious, feed our vanity, and go far beyond our needs.

If we are to be self-reliant and in a position to share, obviously we must acquire some resources. If we live within our means and avoid debt, resources can be accumulated. There are those with average incomes who, over a lifetime, do amass some means, and there are those who receive large salaries who do not. What is the difference? It is simply spending less than they receive, saving along the way, and taking advantage of the power of compound interest.

Financial consultants indicate that “most people have it all wrong about wealth. … Wealth is not the same as income. If you make a good income each year and spend it all, you are not getting wealthier. You are just living high. Wealth is what you accumulate, not what you spend.” 12

Finally, be generous in giving and sharing with others.

The more our hearts and minds are turned to assisting others less fortunate than we, the more we will avoid the spiritually cankering effects that result from greed, selfishness, and overindulgence. Our resources are a stewardship, not our possessions. I am confident that we will literally be called upon to make an accounting before God concerning how we have used them to bless lives and build the kingdom.

The prophet Jacob provides us with some excellent counsel about how riches can be acquired and for what they should be used:

“But before ye seek for riches, seek ye for the kingdom of God.

“And after ye have obtained a hope in Christ ye shall obtain riches, if ye seek them … for the intent to do good—to clothe the naked, and to feed the hungry, and to liberate the captive, and administer relief to the sick and the afflicted.” 13

In addition to paying an honest tithing, we should be generous in assisting the poor. How much should we give? I appreciate the thought of C. S. Lewis on this subject. He said: “I am afraid the only safe rule is to give more than we can spare. … If our charities do not at all pinch or hamper us, … they are too small. There ought to be things we should like to do and cannot do because our charitable expenditure excludes them.” 14

There are many worthy individuals and causes to which we might contribute. We should give generously to the fast offering and humanitarian funds of the Church. And, if we desire our families to live lives of depth and meaning, we must have the courage to examine honestly where our treasures lie and avoid the pitfalls that result from greed, selfishness, and overindulgence.

Let us each remember:

• First: Not to confuse wants with needs.
• Second: Avoid spoiling our children.
• Third: Live modestly and avoid debt.
• Fourth: Be generous in giving to others.
Giving really is at the heart of our faith. At this Easter time, we again commemorate that “God [our Heavenly Father] so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son,” 15 who came to the earth and could have possessed any material thing but rather chose to give to all of us an example of a simple life free from any shade of greed, selfishness, or overindulgence. May we strive daily to live more like He lived, the ultimate example of a life of depth and meaning.

I testify that Jesus is the Christ, this is His Church led by living prophets, and His tomb was literally empty on that third day. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Developing Character

Developing Character

INSIGHTS FROM PRESIDENT DAVID O. MCKAY 

(1873–1970)

The following are some classic statements on the development of Christlike character by our ninth President of the Church.

True Greatness
“The highest of all ideals are the teachings and particularly the life of Jesus of Nazareth, and that man is most truly great who is most Christlike. What you sincerely in your heart think of Christ will determine what you are, will largely determine what your acts will be. … By choosing him as our ideal, we create within ourselves a desire to be like him, to have fellowship with him” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1951, 93, 98).

“The true measure of a man is how he spends his time when he doesn’t have to do anything” (quoted by Robert L. Simpson, “Pollution of the Mind,” Ensign, Jan. 1973, 113).

“As a Man Thinketh”
“No principle of life was more constantly emphasized by the Great Teacher than the necessity of right thinking. To Him, the man was not what he appeared to be outwardly, nor what he professed to be by his words: what the man thought determined in all cases what the man was. No teacher emphasized more strongly than He the truth that ‘as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he’ [Prov. 23:7]. … Contentment, complacency, peace—all that makes life worth living—have their source in the mind of the individual. From the same source spring unrest, turbulence, misery—everything that leads to dissolution and death. … It is well for [every teacher and officer in the Church] to pause frequently and take stock of himself to ascertain ‘what he is thinking about when he doesn’t have to think,’ for ‘what he thinketh in his heart, so is he’” (“‘As a Man Thinketh … ,’” Instructor, Sept. 1958, 257–58).

“What a man continually thinks about determines his actions in times of opportunity and stress. A man’s reaction to his appetites and impulses when they are aroused gives the measure of that man’s character. In these reactions are revealed the man’s power to govern or his forced servility to yield” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1951, 8).

We Radiate What We Are
“There is another responsibility correlated and even coexistent with … agency, which is too infrequently emphasized, and that is the effect not only of a person’s actions, but also of his thoughts. Man radiates what he is, and that radiation affects to a greater or less[er] degree every person who comes within that radiation” (“Free Agency … The Gift Divine,” Improvement Era, Feb. 1962, 87).

“Sickness may waste the body, but the true life is the spirit within, that which thinks and feels and loves and suffers and wills and chooses, aspires, and achieves. The purpose in life is to beautify, ornament, develop that something within. To develop a more radiant and lovely character is the true purpose in life” (Gospel Ideals [1954], 357).

The Approval of Conscience
“Thoughts mold your features. Thoughts lift your soul heavenward or drag you toward hell. … As nothing reveals character like the company we like and keep, so nothing foretells futurity like the thoughts over which we brood. … To have the approval of your conscience when you are alone with your thoughts is like being in the company of true and loving friends. To merit your own self-respect gives strength to character. Conscience is the link that binds your soul to the spirit of God” (“Those Sculptors Called Thoughts and Ideals,” Improvement Era, July 1960, 495).

A Clear Conscience
“It is glorious when you can lie down at night with a clear conscience, knowing you have done your best not to offend anyone and have injured no man. You have tried to cleanse your heart of all unrighteousness, and if you put forth precious effort, you can sense as you pray to God to keep you that night that he accepts your effort. You have a sense that you are God’s child, not a mere cog of the state, but a person whose soul God wants to save. You have the strength, the sense of resistance to evil. … You also have the realization that you have made the world better for having been in it” (Gospel Ideals, 502).

The Development of a Grand Character
“Day by day, hour by hour, man builds the character that will determine his place and standing among his associates throughout the ages. … More important than riches, more enduring than fame, more precious than happiness is the possession of a noble character. Truly it has been said that the grand aim of man’s creation is the development of a grand character, and grand character is by its very nature the product of a probationary discipline” (“Man’s Soul Is As Endless As Time,” Instructor, Jan. 1960, 1–2).

Christlike Character
“True happiness is found in living the Christ’s life—on Monday as well as on Sunday. He who is virtuous only at intervals proves that his pretended virtue is but a sham. Such a person lacks sincerity, the foundation of true character, without which happiness is impossible” (Gospel Ideals, 502).

“What is the crowning glory of man in this earth so far as his individual achievement is concerned? It is character—character developed through obedience to the laws of life as revealed through the Gospel of Jesus Christ, who came that we might have life and have it more abundantly. Man’s chief concern in life should not be the acquiring of gold nor fame nor material possessions. It should not be the development of physical prowess nor of intellectual strength, but his aim, the highest in life, should be the development of a Christlike character” (“Obedience Develops Character,” Instructor, Aug. 1965, 301; emphasis in original).

Stripped of Envy

“Stripped of Envy”

BY PAM WILSON VANDENAKER

Envy impedes our spiritual growth and harms our relationships with others. Yet with hard work and the Lord’s help, it can be overcome.

Andrea * was surprised to hear her neighbor’s name announced from the pulpit in sacrament meeting. When she heard the title of “Relief Society president” attached to the name, she immediately felt hurt and left out, but she did not realize why. She didn’t recognize that the feeling in her heart was due to envy.

Most of us will experience envy at one time or another. The danger comes when we remain unaware of our envy or don’t handle it appropriately; then it has the potential to harm us and may cause us to think or act badly toward others. As James stated, “For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work” (James 3:16). But by eliminating envy, we can improve our relationships with others and our view of ourselves. When we realize we are not competing with others, we can then rejoice in their accomplishments.

The Root of Envy
The practice of comparing ourselves to others is usually at the root of envy. It causes us to feel that we aren’t good enough and that in order to be acceptable we have to achieve more, acquire more, or in other ways appear to be “better” than others. It occurs when we do not value ourselves sufficiently as children of God and consequently feel we have to prove our worth by “doing” or “having.”

Envy is a form of pride, as President Ezra Taft Benson pointed out in his April 1989 general conference talk (see “Beware of Pride,” Ensign, May 1989, 5). Pride creates enmity, or hatred, which separates us from our fellowmen. President Benson quoted C. S. Lewis, who wrote, “It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of competition has gone, pride has gone” (Ensign, May 1989, 4).

Part of the reason envy can be so difficult to recognize in ourselves is that it often disguises itself in other feelings and behaviors. One disguise envy wears is the tendency to criticize. Another is the desire to act in a way that will provoke envy in others. The good news is, once we unmask envy and begin to eliminate it, we can begin to feel much better about ourselves and others around us.

The Accumulation of Envy
Like layers of accumulated paint, envy covers our true worth, making it difficult to see ourselves accurately and change our beliefs so that we can feel better about ourselves.

There are at least five reasons why we need to be concerned about envy in ourselves: (1) it blocks us from growing spiritually, (2) it keeps us from having pure motives, (3) it creates an “us against them” mentality, (4) it can make us feel negative toward others, and (5) a desire to be envied can cause others to feel negative toward us.

In the examples below, note how envy seems to begin with one’s feelings about oneself and eventually moves outward to one’s feelings about others. In the process, envy can subtly influence thoughts and behaviors.

Low self-worth. Brother Barnes promises himself as he goes into Gospel Doctrine class to listen more and talk less. But once the lesson gets going, he can’t seem to curb his habit of interrupting to share his thoughts and opinions about the scriptures. He wants to stand as an equal to the more mature or more articulate members, but he feels anxious and inferior as he listens to them talk. Others in the class are distracted by his numerous comments, but he can’t seem to control his impulse to speak.

When we grow up feeling that we are not loved for who we are and instead are criticized or are valued for how we compare to others, we can develop the habit of looking outside ourselves to feel good. In this example, Brother Barnes tries to boost his self-worth by gaining the admiration of others for his thoughts or knowledge. Such practices may indicate a lack of understanding of our worth and our true relationship to God. But as children of our Heavenly Father, each of us has inherent worth and has been endowed with divine potential. “We are the children of God,” the Apostle Paul declared, “and if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ” (Rom. 8:16–17).

Competing with others. Sister Harris frequently envies the successes of members of her ward. It seems that for her to feel good, her children’s achievements must exceed those of others. She wants others to give her admiration, respect, and honor for being a successful parent.

As she sees a friend coming down the hall after church, one of the first thoughts to enter her mind is the top award her son won at the regional track meet the day before. When her friend says hello, Sister Harris immediately tells of her son’s award, giving the whole story of how he came to win and how her efforts helped him. Subtly Sister Harris tries to evoke envy in her friend, who feels uneasy as a result.

Betsy Cohen, in her book The Snow White Syndrome: All about Envy (1986), notes that many of us “have inner standards of excellence and perfection that are hard or impossible to meet” (39), often causing emotional pain. We may have a hard time admitting mistakes and living with imperfections. If not careful, says the author, we can end up envious of those who seem to achieve more or who seem more comfortable being imperfect.

Removing Envy
In Alma 5:29 it reads, “Behold, I say, is there one among you who is not stripped of envy? I say unto you that such an one is not prepared.” We need to be stripped of envy and other weaknesses to be prepared to “stand before God to be judged according to the deeds which have been done in the mortal body” (Alma 5:15).

If we have an old dresser that has passed from one owner to another, acquiring many layers of paint, it will be quite a job to get it stripped down to the bare wood. However, if we are confident that beneath the chipped and discolored layers of paint is a beautiful and valuable antique, we likely are willing to take on the project. Similarly, to strip envy from our lives, we need to be willing to go through the long process of refinishing.

1. Seeing the need to refinish. Paradoxically, Andrea, mentioned in the opening of this article, began to deal with her envy when she realized on another occasion that somebody was envying her. She became uncomfortable when she sensed this person’s feelings, and she wondered if her own jealousy had led others to be ill at ease around her as well. As she examined her life for the presence of envy, she learned that she needed to stop comparing herself to others and to focus less on external things.
2. Committing ourselves to complete the job. Andrea read the scriptures listed in the Topical Guide under “envy.” As she did so, a clear definition of the word materialized. She recalled the feelings she had experienced that day in sacrament meeting as her neighbor had received a new leadership calling. She realized that because of envy, she had been unable to be happy for her neighbor.
Although this discovery was unpleasant, she remained determined to do something about it. As she prayed for guidance, there came solutions, and the promptings of the Holy Ghost told her what she needed to do.

3. Removing built-up layers. Once Andrea’s eyes were opened to the truth, she found herself making spiritual progress. Eventually she realized that at times she had shared her achievements with others in an effort to create envy. When she became aware of this, she no longer felt compelled to share all of her accomplishments and was able to enjoy the accomplishments of others. She no longer had to seek others’ praise.
As she searched the scriptures, she read what Mormon had said concerning charity, which echoed the Apostle Paul’s words to the Corinthians: “And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and … seeketh not her own, … thinketh no evil” (Moro. 7:45; see also 1 Cor. 13:4–5). She noted Mormon’s counsel to “pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ” (Moro. 7:48).

Andrea decided to act upon Mormon’s words. As she prayed for charity and heeded the inspiration she received, her love for others increased and she began to better understand our Heavenly Father’s love for and acceptance of all His children.

4. Fine finishing. As Andrea began to eliminate envy, and as she saw the bare wood of her life, her heart became contrite. Through her repentance she learned that her spiritual growth was dependent upon her willingness to humble herself and diligently seek the will of the Lord.

Many of us have been in an unfinished-furniture shop and smelled the aromas, felt the smooth surfaces, and observed the beautiful grains of unfinished wood. When we repent of a weakness such as envy, part of us becomes new and unblemished, like new wood. As we grow in self-understanding through the Spirit, we become refined as children of our Heavenly Father. It is through Him that we can be stripped of envy and pride and have our “being” refinished.

When we repent we become willing to submit to the will of the Lord and allow Him to refinish us in accordance with His will. Thus, as we become free of envy or jealousy or any other weakness, we are much more enabled to acknowledge who and what we are. In the process of being “stripped of envy,” though we may experience the pain of being sanded and refined, we also receive the gift of being restored to an awareness of our worth as beautiful, unique children of God.

Pam Wilson Vandenaker, a licensed professional counselor, is the music director in the Karalee Ward, Sandy Utah Granite South Stake.