FIRST PRESIDENCY MESSAGE

Fathers, Mothers, Marriage

By President James E. Faust

Second Counselor in the First Presidency

In recent times, society has been plagued with a cancer from which few families have escaped. I speak of the disintegration of our homes. Immediate corrective treatment is urgent. In what I have to say, I do not wish to offend anyone. I affirm my profound belief that God’s greatest creation is womanhood. I also believe that there is no greater good in all the world than motherhood. The influence of a mother in the lives of her children is beyond calculation. Single parents, most of whom are mothers, perform an especially heroic service.

I hasten to acknowledge that there are too many husbands and fathers who are abusive to their wives and children and from whom the wives and children need protection. Yet modern sociological studies powerfully reaffirm the essential influence of a caring father in the life of a child—boy or girl. In the past 20 years, as homes and families have struggled to stay intact, sociological studies have revealed this alarming fact: much of the crime and many of the behavioral disorders in the United States come from homes where the father has abandoned the children. In many societies, child poverty, crime, drug abuse, and family decay can be traced to conditions where the father gives no male nurturing. Sociologically, it is now painfully apparent that fathers are not optional family baggage.

Fathers need to do the best they can to be the primary provider for physical and spiritual support. I state this with no reluctance because the Lord has revealed that this obligation is placed upon husbands. “Women have claim on their husbands for their maintenance, until their husbands are taken.” ¹ Further, “all children have claim upon their parents for their maintenance until they are of age.” ² In addition, their spiritual welfare should be “brought to pass by the faith and covenant of their fathers.” ³ As regards little children, the Lord has promised “that great things may be required at the hand of their fathers.” ⁴

Complementary Roles

It is useless to debate which parent is most important. No one would doubt that a mother’s influence is paramount with newborns and in the first years of a child’s life. The father’s influence increases as the child grows older. However, each parent is necessary at various times in a child’s development. Both fathers and mothers do many intrinsically different things for their children. Both are equipped to nurture children, but their approaches are different. Mothers seem to take a dominant role in preparing children to live within their families, present and future. Fathers seem best equipped to prepare children to function in the environment outside the family.

One authority states: “Studies show that fathers also have a special role to play in building a child’s [self-respect]. They are important too, in ways we don’t really understand, in developing internal limits and control in children.” He continues: “Research also shows that fathers are critical in the establishment of gender in children. Interestingly, fatherly involvement produces stronger sexual identity and character in both boys and girls. It’s well established that the masculinity of sons and the femininity of daughters are each greater when fathers are active in family life.” ⁵

Parents in any marital situation have a duty to set aside personal differences and encourage each other’s righteous influence in the lives of their children.

Is it not possible to give to womankind all of the rights and blessings that come from God and legal authority without diminishing the nobility of God’s other grand creation, manhood? A reflection on this theme stated in 1872:

“The status of women is one of the questions of the day. Socially and politically it forces itself upon the attention of the world. Some … refuse to concede that woman is entitled to the enjoyment of any rights other than … the whims, fancies or justice … men may choose to grant her. The reasons which they cannot meet with argument they decry and ridicule; an old refuge for those opposed to correct principles which they are unable to controvert. Others … not only recognize that woman’s status should be improved, but are so radical in their extreme theories that they would set her in antagonism to man, assume for her a separate and opposing existence; and to show how entirely independent she should be [they] would make her adopt the more reprehensible phases of character which men present, and which should be shunned or improved by them instead of being copied by women. These are two extremes, and between them is the ‘golden mean.’” ⁶

Use of the Priesthood

Many people do not understand our belief that God has wisely established a guiding authority for the most important institutions in the world. This guiding authority is called the priesthood. The priesthood is held in trust to be used to bless all of God’s children. Priesthood is not gender; it is blessings from God for all at the hands of the servants He has designated. Within the Church this authority of the priesthood can bless all members through the ministration of home teachers, quorum presidents, bishops and branch presidents, fathers, and all other righteous brethren who are charged with the administration of the affairs of the kingdom of God. Priesthood is the righteous power and influence by which boys are taught in their youth and throughout their lives to honor chastity, to be honest and industrious, and to develop respect for and stand in the defense of womanhood. Priesthood is a restraining influence. Girls are taught that through its influence and power to bless, they can fulfill many of their desires.

Honoring the priesthood means following the example of Christ and seeking to emulate His example of fatherhood. It means constant concern and caring for one’s own flesh and blood. The man who holds the priesthood is to honor it by eternally cherishing, with absolute fidelity, his wife and the mother of his children. He is to extend lifelong care and concern for his children and their children. The plea of David for his rebel son is one of the most moving in all of the scriptures: “O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! would God I had died for thee, O Absalom, my son, my son!” ⁷

I urge husbands and fathers of this Church to be the kind of men your wives would not want to be without. I urge the sisters of this Church to be patient, loving, and understanding with their husbands. Those who enter into marriage should be fully prepared to establish their marriage as the first priority in their lives.

It is destructive to the feeling essential for a happy marriage for either party to say to the other marriage partner, “I don’t need you.” This is particularly so because the counsel of the Savior was and is to become one flesh: “For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh[.] Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh.” ⁸

Being of One Heart

It is far more difficult to be of one heart and mind than to be physically one. This unity of heart and mind is manifest in sincere expressions of “I appreciate you” and “I am proud of you.” Such domestic harmony results from forgiving and forgetting, essential elements of a maturing marriage relationship. Someone has said that we “should keep [our] eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterward.” ⁹ True charity ought to begin in marriage, for it is a relationship that must be rebuilt every day.

I wonder if it is possible for one marriage partner to jettison the other and become completely whole. Either partner who diminishes the divine role of the other in the presence of the children demeans the budding femininity within the daughters and the emerging manhood of the sons. I suppose there are always some honest differences between husband and wife, but let them be settled in private.

It must be recognized that some marriages fail. To those in that circumstance I extend understanding because every divorce carries heartache with it. But at all costs couples should avoid covenant breaking. In my opinion, any promise between a man and a woman incident to a marriage ceremony rises to the dignity of a covenant. The family relationship of father, mother, and child is the oldest and most enduring institution in the world. It has survived vast differences of geography and culture. This is because marriage between man and woman is a natural state and is ordained of God. It is a moral imperative. Those marriages performed in our temples, meant to be eternal relationships, then become the most sacred covenants we can make. The sealing power given by God through Elijah is thus invoked, and God becomes a party to the promises.

Over a lifetime of dealing with human problems, I have struggled to understand what might be considered “just cause” for breaking of covenants. I confess I do not claim the wisdom nor authority to definitely state what is “just cause.” Only the parties to the marriage can determine this. They must bear the responsibility for the train of consequences which inevitably follow if these covenants are not honored. In my opinion, “just cause” should be nothing less serious than a prolonged and apparently irredeemable relationship which is destructive of a person’s dignity as a human being.

At the same time, I have strong feelings about what is not provocation for breaking the sacred covenants of marriage. Surely it is not simply “mental distress” nor “personality differences” nor “having grown apart” nor “having fallen out of love.” This is especially so where there are children. Enduring divine counsel comes from Paul:

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” ¹⁰

“That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, [and] to love their children.” ¹¹

The Most Effective Cure

In my opinion, members of the Church have the most effective cure for our decaying family life. It is for men, women, and children to honor and respect the divine roles of both fathers and mothers in the home. In so doing, mutual respect and appreciation among the members of the Church will be fostered by the righteousness found there. In this way, the great sealing keys restored by Elijah, spoken of by Malachi, might operate “to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the children to the fathers, lest the whole earth be smitten with a curse.” ¹²

President Joseph Fielding Smith (1876–1972) stated concerning the keys of Elijah: “This sealing power bestowed upon Elijah, is the power which binds husbands and wives, and children to parents for time and eternity. It is the binding power existing in every Gospel ordinance. … It was the mission of Elijah to come, and restore it so that the curse of confusion and disorder would not exist in the kingdom of God.” ¹³ Confusion and disorder are all too common in society, but they must not be permitted to destroy our homes.

Perhaps we regard the power bestowed by Elijah as something associated only with formal ordinances performed in sacred places. But these ordinances become dynamic and productive of good only as they reveal themselves in our daily lives. Malachi said that the power of Elijah would turn the hearts of the fathers and the children to each other. ¹⁴ The heart is the center of the emotions and a conduit for revelation. This sealing power thus reveals itself in family relationships, in attributes and virtues developed in a nurturing environment, and in loving service. These are the cords that bind families together, and the priesthood advances their development. In imperceptible but real ways, “the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul [and thy home] as the dews from heaven.” ¹⁵

I testify that the blessings of the priesthood, honored by fathers and husbands and revered by wives and children, can indeed cure the cancer that plagues our society. I plead with you fathers to magnify your priesthood calling; bless your families through this sacred influence, and experience the rewards promised by our Father and God.

Notes

1.   1. 
   D&C 83:2.
2.   2. 
   D&C 83:4.
3.   3. 
   D&C 84:99.
4.   4. 
   D&C 29:48.
5.   5. 
   Karl Zinsmeister, “Fathers: Who Needs Them?” (address delivered to the Family Research Council, 19 June 1992).
6.   6. 
   “Woman’s Status,” Woman’s Exponent, 15 July 1872, 29.
7.   7. 
   2 Sam. 18:33.
8.   8. 
   Matt. 19:5–6.
9.   9. 
   Magdeleine Scudéry, in John P. Bradley and others, comps., The International Dictionary of Thoughts (1969), 472.
10.   10. 
    Eph. 5:25.
11.   11. 
    Titus 2:4.
12.   12. 
    D&C 110:15; see also Mal. 4:6.
13.   13. 
    Elijah the Prophet and His Mission (1957), 5.
14.   14. 
    See Mal. 4:5–6.
15.   15. 
    D&C 121:45.

Greed: When Enough Is Not Enough

Greed: When Enough Is Not Enough

BY RICHARD TICE

Assistant Editor

These days on television, greed seems to be the fashion: rich oilmen ruin their families for money, drug runners count their toll in ruined lives as a profit, young executives flaunt their successes with expensive cars and fancy condominiums.

Unfortunately, the media glitz suggests that greed is a problem only for certain kinds of people or that it will infect us only a few times in our lifetime. In reality, greed is a fairly universal sickness. Poverty is certainly not an antidote for it, but then, neither is wealth. You can find greed wherever you live—it knows no class, race, nation, or language.

The Symptoms of Greed
Greed shows up in many ways. Paul says, “The love of money is the root of all evil.” (1 Tim. 6:10; italics added.) The symptoms of greed are legion. For instance, Colossians 3:5 and 2 Nephi 9:30 tell us that covetousness is idolatry. [Col. 3:5, 2 Ne. 9:30] When we set our hearts upon anything other than God, we in effect worship “the image of [our] own god, whose image is in the likeness of the world.” (D&C 1:16.) Another problem that often attends avarice is the feeling that we never have enough. (See Isa. 56:11; D&C 56:17.) In many ways, greed is the antithesis of love: it does not suffer long, it is not kind, it envies, it puffs itself up, its behavior is unseemly, it seeks its own, it is easily provoked, and it thinks evil. Greed also fosters thievery, dishonesty, lust, and pride. (See 1 Cor. 13:4–5; Ex. 20:17; Micah 2:2; Micah 6:10–11; 2 Ne. 28:15.)

I first began to understand greed through one of the most unusual jobs I’ve ever had. My father and two of his army buddies started a government contracting company in South Vietnam after he retired from the service. It was one of several businesses that handled jobs the armed forces subcontracted out. Dad’s company bid on U.S. government service contracts and security jobs. In 1972, Dad suggested that I work with them that summer in helping write bids and contracts. The salary, he pointed out, would cover the expenses of my upcoming mission. Despite the danger at that time in the Far East, I decided to accept the job.

The lure and availability of money in a low-expense, unstable, war-torn nation proved fertile ground for the seeds of greed. Though the official exchange rate was 118 piasters to a dollar, the black-market rate was 450 piasters to a dollar. Many dabbled in illegal investments. At least one American I knew built a fortune that way before he was caught. Buying piasters on the black market and selling them at the official rate further weakened an already-weak money system.

During the three months I was in Saigon and Hong Kong, I spent a total of about four hundred dollars, yet I lived far better than I had in the United States. Most American civilians I knew employed several servants and lived in villas left from the French occupation. I remember several conversations I had with acquaintances about whether we were preying on a weak economy or helping to strengthen it.

Saigon featured an unusual price system—the Vietnamese paid one price, the Americans another. For example, a haircut that would cost me 1,200 piasters would cost the Vietnamese only 20 or 30. Unfortunately, even some of the more well-to-do Vietnamese were drawn by U.S. money to act dishonestly. Policemen, for instance, would stop Americans and fine them on trumped-up charges—they had to be paid before the Americans could go on their way.

That summer, the armed forces put up 690,000 tons of scrap metal for sale. Buyers would be responsible for transporting the metal outside of Vietnam, where markets paid about twelve dollars or more per ton. My father’s company bought approximately 40,000 tons of scrap, bidding seven dollars a ton, which was high bid. Dad planned to find a buyer outside of Vietnam who would advance part of the payment, enabling his company to pay the $280,000 to the U.S. government before the thirty-day deadline was up. As middleman, my father would arrange to cut the scrap into movable pieces, transport it to the dock, load it onto a boat he had scheduled, and ship it to the prospective buyers. The company could make between two and three dollars a ton.

One day, a man representing some Hong Kong investors offered to buy the scrap, promising to pay half now and half on delivery. But he kept stalling, and the deadline for payment kept getting nearer. Dad finally discovered that the man hoped to make Dad’s company forfeit so that he could buy the metal for less when it again went up for bidding. He hid his plans from the people he represented in order to pocket the difference. Fortunately, Dad got an extension to pay for the scrap, and the man was fired. However, the company had to start paying nearly one thousand dollars a day for storage.

As it turned out, there were plenty of bids for the nearly seven hundred thousand tons of scrap, but no one was able to get the metal outside of Vietnam. Transportation and labor costs skyrocketed. Each union—truck drivers, stevedores, and other workers—as well as individuals asked such high wages that moving the scrap would cause a loss. Many even sabotaged others’ efforts by refusing to work. Dad ended up paying more than twenty thousand dollars in storage costs. When the United States pulled out of the country, all the scrap metal was still there.

In those three months, I learned some sobering facts about greed. No one is immune to it, and everyone must guard against it. It shows itself in a multitude of ways. At its worst, it results in cutthroat business practices, dishonesty, cheating, lying, disloyalty, theft, inequality, and murder. At its subtlest, it alienates friends and distorts one’s values.

Another reason greed is so insidious is that it can be nearly invisible. Our contemporary life-styles not only encourage but also mask it.

A few months after my experience in Vietnam, I left for a mission in Japan. Then, in 1976, I returned to Japan, with my wife and daughter, to teach English. We rented a sparsely furnished Japanese-style house with a tiny backyard. The largest room was both living room and bedroom. We had no oven, clothes dryer, or central heater. (Most Japanese still don’t use them.) For transportation, we used bicycles and buses. Our life-style was not much different from that of most Japanese.

We enjoyed our three-year stay in Japan immensely. I missed having an oven, but I loved the way we could roll up our beds and stuff them into a closet. Cleaning such a small house (about four hundred square feet) was a snap. I learned to like sundried clothes better than clothes tumbled in a dryer. I fell in love with bicycles, and using them to go to church or to go shopping proved to be easier than I had thought. The simplicity of home life was a welcome change from the hectic pace of teaching twelve language classes and fulfilling several callings in a small branch of the Church. We could save fairly easily, too. We weren’t tempted to buy things on credit—the practice was minimal in Japan—and our expenses were low. (Our rent was about $125 a month.)

Although learning to do without some conveniences I had been used to was not easy, coming back to the States was even more difficult. I’m still amazed at how much Western society encourages and, in some cases, forces spending. Furniture, appliances, and cars are just some of the things many families expect to own. American manufacturers, for example, offer major appliances in sizes ranging from large to largest. In Japan, we owned the second-largest refrigerator model available, and it was still smaller than the smallest standard model I could find in U.S. stores. In the United States and Canada, houses are big. Those who buy a house expect to spend between $45,000 and $200,000, depending on where they live. There aren’t many less-expensive alternatives, and most of us don’t anticipate any.

Of course, living comfortably isn’t a sin. But some societies have developed such expensive standards of living that greed surreptitiously begins its work. Home owners buy larger and more expensive beds, furniture, fixtures, drapes, television sets, refrigerators, ovens, washers, dryers—and then add garages, patios, and dishwashers. Typically, people take out extensive loans and use up much of their savings and much of their income to buy these things.

Such a life-style sets traps of greed. For example, doing without can easily create a feeling of dissatisfaction, especially when we’re doing without things that we consider necessary and not luxurious. On the other hand, buying them burdens our income, and we may find ourselves chafing under financial bondage. Without realizing it, we start to long for more money, complain about how little we have or how hard things are financially, and feel that we do not yet have the “essentials.”

In thinking of the expenses of furnishing a home and putting in a yard, I often forget that I already have four to five times as many material things as I had in Japan. And compared with what the Vietnamese had when I lived in Vietnam, I’m fabulously wealthy. We simply may not recognize what we have because we’re so busy thinking about what we don’t have.

On top of this are the vast number of material attractions that go with life in well-to-do countries. Everything has better, more-expensive brands or models. There are also articles not considered “essentials” that would be fun to have: computers, videocassette recorders, second or third cars, motorbikes, boats, motor homes, air conditioners, satellite dishes, and so on. All are advertised in endless array.

Are any of these extras really bad? Many people have a number of them, and we ourselves may have bought some and discovered how much fun they are. But if we aren’t careful, can we begin to covet these things and push our faith in Jesus Christ to the background? Does our desire for pleasure and physical gratification ever undercut our efforts to live the Lord’s commandments?

It isn’t the possession of these material things that injures us as much as it is our attitudes toward them. Those of us who have sufficient for our needs must constantly guard against false expectations and warped attitudes. Dissatisfaction with what we have and eager anticipation of what we might buy next are subtle manifestations of greed. They can lead to anger about tight budgets and apparently inadequate incomes. Our attitudes and expectations can also be colored by ignorance. We may think we don’t have much or that we have about what other people have. But our lack of knowledge about other people and economies may mislead us into thinking that our standard of living really is “standard.” Last year, for instance, a visitor from Shanghai stayed with my family for a few days. He was about to return to China and wanted to take his wife some inexpensive gifts not readily available there. We took him to a department store, where he pointed out all sorts of small items that were new to him. He ended up choosing mirror sunglasses and a can opener with revolving handle.

Belief in the “Gospel of Wealth”
Sometimes greed infects those who mistakenly believe that God rewards righteous living with material wealth. Certainly, one of the oft-repeated promises in the Book of Mormon is this:

“If ye will keep my commandments ye shall prosper in the land.” (Alma 37:13.)

That parallels the more general promise: “Keep the charge of the Lord thy God, to walk in his ways, to keep his statutes, and his commandments, … that thou mayest prosper in all that thou doest.” (1 Kgs. 2:3.)

There is a difference between wealth and prosperity, however. The Lord has promised that if we serve him, we will prosper and have sufficient for our needs. But wealth is another matter. With so many millions in the world who don’t have enough for their daily needs, why should we expect the Lord to make us wealthy?

And yet, many of us continue to expect that our material conditions will automatically improve if we remain faithful. Some tithe payers even think of tithing in terms of an investment—expecting their tithes, like good stock investments, to pay dividends in greater material wealth. After all, they feel, the Lord has promised that he will open the windows of heaven to those who tithe. (See Mal. 3:8–12.) That promise, however, may have spiritual as well as temporal overtones. The only concrete promise in Malachi is that the Lord will rebuke the devourer; it makes no promise of material gain.

Elsewhere, the Lord talks about the nature of the riches that he may give us: “If ye seek the riches which it is the will of the Father to give unto you, ye shall be the richest of all people, for ye shall have the riches of eternity.” Then he adds a warning about earthly wealth: “It must needs be that the riches of the earth are mine to give; but beware of pride, lest ye become as the Nephites of old.” (D&C 38:39.)

There is no doubt that the Lord does bless us—but in his way. Many who diligently try to keep the Lord’s commandments do not flourish financially. Many, in fact, may find themselves at times unable to make ends meet. Yet they can point to spiritual riches the Lord has given them that they would never trade for a new car or a more luxurious home.

They are experiencing the blessings that accompany this admonition: “Seek not for riches but for wisdom; and, behold, the mysteries of God shall be unfolded unto you, and then shall you be made rich. Behold, he that hath eternal life is rich.” (D&C 11:7.)

Sadly though, some fall victim to greed when they think that the Lord and his church are failing them economically. Paul describes the result in his love-of-money passage: “They have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.” (1 Tim. 6:10.)

A modern-day account illustrates what some have called the “gospel of prosperity.” One couple, when they joined the Church, were enthusiastic about the gospel and Church service. But after two and a half years, they left the Church. They could never shake the idea that they ought to receive something for everything they did. The spirituality and joy they initially felt were soured by their expectations of material rewards.

We ought to have faith that the Lord will bless us for our efforts, but we must not hand him a “shopping list” of the blessings we expect to receive. Our greed begins when we think more about what God owes us than what we owe him. The Lord has promised the faithful the “riches of eternity.” We should be content with that promise and serve for the joy of serving.

Some Cures for Greed
Fortunately, the Lord has not left us helpless in a world that promotes the philosophy that we can have anything we want for money. Not only has he described the symptoms of greed clearly in the scriptures (see Prov. 15:27; Luke 12:15; Mosiah 4:21–25; D&C 104:4), he has also given us instructions on how to prevent greed or overcome it. Just as greed can undermine our allegiance to gospel principles, our allegiance to gospel principles can fortify us against greed.

One cure mentioned more than a hundred times in the standard works is giving to the poor. The ideal—no poor among us—was, in fact, achieved at least three times previous to our dispensation by people who unselfishly shared what they had. (See Acts 4:32–34; 4 Ne. 1:3; Moses 7:18.) One period in the Church during Alma’s time exemplifies how wonderfully greed can be stayed by giving:

“In their prosperous circumstances, they did not send away any who were naked, or that were hungry, or that were athirst, or that were sick, or that had not been nourished; and they did not set their hearts upon riches; therefore they were liberal to all, both old and young, both bond and free, both male and female, whether out of the church or in the church, having no respect to persons as to those who stood in need.” (Alma 1:30.)

Here, prosperity worked for the people instead of against them because they gave liberally and did not set their hearts on their possessions. If there is a “gospel of prosperity,” perhaps this is it.

Gratitude is also a wonderful cure for greed. As awareness of the gifts and love of God deepen within us, we begin to put our lives in eternal perspective. If we understand the Atonement of our Lord Jesus Christ, how can we possibly expect our good works to “earn” us more than what God has already given us? King Benjamin taught:

“If you should render all the thanks and praise which your whole soul has power to possess, to that God who has created you, and has kept and preserved you, and has caused that ye should rejoice, and has granted that ye should live in peace one with another—

“If ye should serve him who has created you from the beginning, and is preserving you from day to day, by lending you breath, that ye may live and move and do according to your own will, and even supporting you from one moment to another—I say, if ye should serve him with all your whole souls yet ye would be unprofitable servants.” (Mosiah 2:20–21.)

Perhaps the best preventive medicine is love of God and others—for charity does not envy, is not puffed up, and does not seek her own. The love of money may be the root of all evil, but “charity preventeth a multitude of sins.” (JST, 1 Pet. 4:8.) A person with the pure love of Christ wants to help, bless, and care for others rather than acquire material things to feed a self-centered attitude. Greed is an attitude we can change. We should be thankful that the Lord has given us the means by which we can overcome it.

Becoming Free From Bondage

The following is some counsel given by a member of my ward who is struggling to overcome the effects of bondage: They will remain anonymous. I hope you find the counsel uplifting 

"And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord came to them in their afflictions, saying: lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenants which ye have made unto me: and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage, and I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.  ( mosiah 24:13-14)

     The definition of "bondage" according to the dictionary is to be in a state of being bound by, or subjected to some external power or control. Whether you yourself struggle with addiction, or associate with someone who does, you know the great sorrow that can be experienced. The power of the Savior can turn our most devastating defeats into glorious spiritual victories. Those who once lived with daily depression, anxiety, fear, and debilitating anger, can experience joy and peace through the atonement of Jesus-Christ. Some people consider addiction to be simply bad habits that can be conquered by will power alone, but many people become so dependant on a behavior, or a substance that they no longer see how to abstain from it. There is hope.

     After many years of being in "bondage" to the substance of nicotine, and trying repeatedly over those years to rid myself of it, I found great comfort and solace the day I made up my mind that I was powerless without the Saviors help. I knew I could not conquer this dragon by will power alone. i got down on my knees, and told our heavenly-father that I needed his help from breaking free of this substance. I prayed with all the energy of heart that the craving would be taken from me, and that over time, my body would be cleansed from the harsh chemicals. I expressed my great love for him, and for the atonement that he has so freely given. Almost immediately after I got up from my knees, I felt different. I no longer craved that substance...I was free from it. It has been several months, and still to this day, I no longer desire it. It has been a personal testimony to me of just how aware the Savior is of each of us. A miracle was performed that day, which I will never forget. My greatest hope through sharing this story is that those who may be struggling with this addiction, or another addiction perhaps...will have hope for themselves, or a loved one that they can be "set free" with the help of the Savior, through the atonement of the Lord Jesus-Christ."

Overcoming Our Mistakes

Overcoming Our Mistakes

BY LOWELL L. BENNION

I had a friend who not long ago spent an hour and a half telling me about his wife who a few years back made a big mistake in her life and who does nothing now but brood over it. She has lost her purpose and joy in living and has even threatened to commit suicide. All of her wonderful potential as a human being has come to a halt, and this is tragic for her and her family. Furthermore, because she is so unhappy within herself, she makes life almost unbearable for her friends and her husband.

Historians have said you can’t fight a war on two fronts; if you do, you generally lose. I find, too, that you can’t carry on personally two battles in life—one the outside battle and the other the battle within yourself. And he who fights himself least is better prepared to fight the outside battle best. In fact, the outside battle is always there. To enjoy life is to acknowledge that it is a battle and there will always be problems. There will always be disappointments, and one must learn to enjoy the battle rather than the successful outcome.

All of us make mistakes, and some of us very serious ones. Any thoughtful person feels a kind of failure because of his sins or moral failures. If there are any sinners in the Church besides myself, I am talking to you, and I’d like to suggest what we might do about coping with our failures of the past so that they don’t immobilize us for life today and for fighting the outside battle.

Here are just a few suggestions on what we might do to overcome our feeling of failure, our feeling of wrongdoing, and learn to live with all our power in the present without dragging the mistakes of the past with us.

One doesn’t get clean by rolling in the mire. One doesn’t get clean and whole by brooding unduly over the past, although we can certainly learn from our mistakes. I’ve learned that there’s no strength in weakness; there’s no strength in sin; and we don’t overcome our mistakes and our sins by fighting them directly. I think we may succumb to them if we dwell upon them too much.

The second suggestion I have is that we ought to realize that no matter what we’ve done in life, no matter what we do, God and Christ still love us just as much as they did before we failed. God and Christ do not separate themselves from the sinner, from the wrongdoer.

I remember a missionary who had just recently returned from the mission field who came into the Institute of Religion when I was there. He had committed a grave mistake that caused him to think that his life was ruined forever. And I said to him, “God loves you just as much today as he did last Thursday,” and he couldn’t believe it. The thought had never occurred to him. He wept like a child. You know, sometimes we think that God loves us to the extent that we please him, to the extent that we’re good boys and girls, good men and women. Love from God is not earned. It is not merited; if it is, it is justice and reciprocity and reward. Love comes from a loving heart, and God’s love is unconditional. And he loves the worst of us and the best of us equally, I believe. We cause him to suffer when we do wrong, when he sees us live our lives in ways that destroy us, and when he sees us hurting other people—this must cause him pain.

Fathers, when you’re worried about your sons, you don’t love them less, and when they’re in trouble, you’re not less anxious. You really love them more. I can understand why Jesus said that when the shepherd went after the lost sheep and brought him home there was more rejoicing in heaven over the one that was lost than over the ninety and nine that were safe in the fold.

We once had a child who was very very ill and on the borderline of possible death. Our other children were well at the time. We loved the child who was ill; we rejoiced at the time of his recovery more than over the others who were well. At the moment that seemed to be the most important thing in our lives. And I think that that’s the way Christ and God must feel about the person who has done wrong and who comes back. Even before he comes back I think God is forgiving, whether he repents or not. He asks us to forgive. He doesn’t say forgive when people repent. He says forgive seven times seventy. I don’t think God would ask me to be forgiving when he is not. I think somehow that the principles of the gospel are his principles, too. Therefore, the reason we have to repent is to be able to forgive ourselves and to be able to get in harmony again with the principles and laws of good living. We don’t have to repent to earn God’s love, even though some scriptures portray him as being very angry with the sinner. Others portray him as angry with sin, not with the sinner.

Another way to overcome the past is to make amends. We know when we’ve done wrong, but sometimes we’re afraid to go to those whom we’ve wronged. We are too proud to admit our failures. But when we have the courage to do it, we find that a great reconciliation takes place. It’s the offended person’s responsibility to react to our efforts to be reconciled. And when we can’t compensate a person for a wrong, when it’s too late or impossible, then we can bless other people. We all belong together in this world. We’re brothers and sisters with the same Eternal Father; we belong to the same human community. There are others we can bless, though we can’t repair the damage we may have done to some of his children.

The past that some of us regret at certain points is not as fixed and rigid as we ordinarily think it is. If you have shameful moments in your past, you’re prone to isolate them, to make them rigid, and to think of them as being fixed. You can change your past. You can’t change single events in the past, but you can change the past as a whole the importance of every event in one’s past is constantly changing because of the kind of past that we’re building.

Years ago, a young girl confessed to my wife and me a very tragic period of her life. I won’t tell you about her life, but it was a tragic life, and I’ve never seen a girl with sadder eyes than this lovely girl of eighteen. And in trying to give her some comfort and hope for the future, I realized that we’re adding to our past; we’re building onto it each day we live. Life is not a rigid, fixed, quantitative kind of thing. It’s a growing, qualitative, whole thing. And the whole is greater than any of its parts, and gives meaning to its parts. My arm by itself hung on the wall is one thing; my arm as a part of my body and servant of my mind is another thing. An event in that girl’s past, or even ten events, were one thing at eighteen when she was in the depths of despair. And then she came into the fold, was baptized into the Church, found some faith in Christ, converted her husband, reared a fine family, and her life has been going like this ever since. This valley of failure in her life is one thing by itself; it’s another thing when it’s one dip in a long beautiful life. This idea makes life dynamic: it’s comforting and exciting to know that you can improve.

I think God feels this way about our lives. Here is a familiar verse from Ezekiel. He says, “But if the wicked will turn from all his sins that he hath committed, and keep all my statutes, and do that which is lawful and right, he shall surely live, he shall not die. All his transgressions that he hath committed, they shall not be mentioned unto him …” (Ezek. 8:21–22). The past is only significant in terms of what it has made you become.

Ezekiel continues: “All his transgressions that he hath committed, they shall not be mentioned unto him: in his righteousness that he hath done, he shall live. Have I any pleasure at all that the wicked should die? saith the Lord God: and not that he should return from his ways and live?” (Ezek. 18:22–23). And Isaiah said: “… though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.” (Isa. 1:18.)

This I believe. If God loves us, his only interest is in us. “Let no one be called unhappy ’til his death. Measure not the work until the day is over and the labor is done.” I would say, don’t measure life ever—even into eternity—we’re still building on it; we’re changing it.

We ought to be aggressive in our desire and effort to do what is right. Many of us do wrong because we’re not thinking of the right. Our concept of the gospel is very general—we feel good about it; we have a testimony; but we don’t define what we believe in. We don’t say, I’m going to be honest, and what does honesty mean? And what does chastity mean, and what is the spirit of it, and what is the nature of it? I think we get caught unprepared when we don’t define for ourselves, repeatedly, what we believe, what values we hold to. We don’t tell ourselves why we believe in these values so that they become our very own—a part of us. They’re not God’s laws only; they’re our laws, too, because we’ve tested them and we believe in them. You don’t sit back apathetically and see what happens to you. You do better than your opponent.

Now why not be aggressive—and I don’t mean with words to boast or to be loud—why not clarify what values we believe in? This applies to you whether you’re a believer or a nonbeliever—Latter-day Saint, Catholic, Jew, Protestant, atheist, or anything else. Every man has to be whole within himself. Every man has to be one to be a man. He has to have integrity. You can’t have integrity without clarifying your convictions or values or goals. You can change them, but you must always have some. And so you clarify your ideals and you determine to act according to them. If you’re going to work in a bank and handle money, don’t decide while you’re handling money whether or not you’ll be honest. Decide before you go into the bank, before you accept the job. Say in your morning prayer, “Lord, help me not to take money today!” Money is such a temptation when your wife needs so many things. It is so easy to replace, we think. This is the way we get caught in dishonest actions. The apostle Paul said, “Wherefore, take unto you the whole armor of God … Stand, therefore, having your loins girt about with truth and have on the breastplate of righteousness and your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace.” (Eph. 6:13–15.) These words don’t mean much to us as symbols in this day, but “put on the armor of God,” and face life with whatever ideals you believe in, and uncertainty will disappear.

Make a friend of Jesus Christ. In the sacramental prayer each Sabbath day we hear and say that we bear witness to the Father that we take upon us the name of Jesus Christ, and always remember him, and keep his commandments, that we might have his Spirit to be with us. Now what does it mean to take upon us the name of Christ? What does it mean to always remember him? How many of us make him part of our daily lives without being fanatical, without behaving as if we belonged to some other world but still living in the world? How do we draw upon the strength that comes with fellowship with our Savior? Do we leave it to Protestants to talk about fellowship with Christ?

I had an experience in the mission field that is very memorable to me. A man came to me after Church—he was twice my age, a very unhappy person—and told me that he had committed a grave sin before he joined the Church, that his wife would not forgive him, would not divorce him, and constantly reminded him that he was a worthless person. He said, “I’ve come to think of myself as she thinks I am. How can I be whole again and pure of heart, clean in my thoughts?” I said, “What have you tried to do for this problem?” He said, “I’ve fought it. I’ve fought it.” I told him there must be a better way than to fight sin. We knelt in prayer together, and afterwards I gave him a book to read—As a Man Thinketh in His Heart, So Is He—and then I put my arm around him, gave him a firm handclasp, and told him that he could overcome his problem. And then by inspiration or coincidence I said to him, “How would you like to prepare the Lord’s supper for Sunday School?” (He was a teacher in the Aaronic Priesthood.) He said, “Do you think I’m worthy to do this?” I said, “No, I don’t think any of us really are. But I think Jesus would be pleased if you would render him this service.” And so he proceeded to set the Lord’s table each Sunday morning. After about six weeks I met him coming up the aisle before Sunday School. I put out my hand to reassure him. He put his hand behind his back and said nothing. I said, “Have I offended you?” He said, “Oh, no. I’ve just washed my hands with soap and hot water, and I can’t shake hands with you or any man until I’ve set the Lord’s table.” That’s the most beautiful reverence I’ve seen in that simple act of setting the Lord’s table. I was so pleased. In another six weeks he came to me after church again and said, “I’m a new man.”

Then I asked him to give a talk in church on some principle of the gospel of Christ that he really believed in and why. I kept thinking about the Savior. Well, serving the Savior in a simple way and thinking about him during the week, this man became a new creature. It was beautiful. And I realized that I’d never used the Savior in my own life in the same way. I don’t mind telling you that I did after that. I had the wonderful thrill of overcoming what I thought was a weakness in me by thinking of the Savior and making him the center of my prayers and my life.

Well, my young friends, the biggest tragedy of life is not to live—not to function with your full soul, with your whole life, with enthusiasm, with spirit, with faith, with love. And so, I humbly pray that none of you will be so burdened by mistakes, by failures, and by sin that you won’t have the courage and the wisdom to turn to the ideals of the gospel, to the wonderful Son of God, and to each other to find the strength to live life as it is meant to be lived. It’s a beautiful existence we have, and it is not too late for any of us to enjoy it to the fullest.

Overcoming Addiction

The following is some counsel given by a member of my ward who is struggling to overcome an addiction: They will remain anonymous. I hope you find the counsel uplifting. 


"When  we think of all Jesus did during his ministry, we sometimes lose sight of the fact that the primary reason he came to this earth was anomalous rescue us from satan's power.

     The jews did not recognize Christ as the long awaited Messiah, because they were looking for a militant leader who would free them from Roman oppression.  But Jesus came to rescue them from an even greater captivity; the self-imposed slavery of hate, resentment, bitterness, self-condemnation, unresolved guilt, weaknesses, bad habits, and even addictions. He came with the mission to release us, through the power of his love and forgiveness, into a life of abundance and joy. His greatest desire is not for fame or position, but to wrap us in the arms of his love and remove every obstacle that prevents us from being all our Heavenly-father intended for us to be.

     One of the great themes of the scriptures is that no one can fall below the reach of God's infinite, unconditional, and unwavering love. There is nothing that a person can do to make God love him more than he already does, and there is nothing one can do that will cause God to love him any less.

     Heavenly- father doesn't want to see us fall...he wants to see us rise. He wants what is best for us, and allows us to experience hardship,  such as struggling through addiction in order for us to realize greater blessings.  What is required is a complete transformation of our hearts. No one can change the carnal nature of the heart and disposition to do evil like the grace and mercy of the Savior, through the atonement.

We may do much good in controlling behavior, but until we allow Jesus-Christ to alter our hearts and desires, we will suffer a continual struggle between the desires of the flesh and the will of the spirit. I struggled in my addiction with alcohol 'cause I felt I could overcome it alone for a long time, until I realized that I could not overcome this without the Saviors help. The natural man in me wanted that drink...especially after I had a hard day. Each day that passes, I sometimes am really tempted to have that drink, but the Savior has promised us that we would not be tempted above that which we can bear ( alma 13:28).

He has already paid the price. All any of us  need to do is ask in humility through earnest prayer for him to help us overcome our weaknesses...whatever they  may be. As you ask in humility for him to help you, you will experience an overwhelming feeling of peace, and love that the Savior personally has for you,  regardless of what your weaknesses are. He is waiting with open arms to receive you, but you have to ask for his help. Satan would have you believe that you have gone too far, or you are so absorbed in the addiction that it has taken over your life to where there is no hope. These are some of his many lies.  If he can prevent you from going to church, or reading in the scriptures by telling you that you are unworthy because of choices you have made...then he has won half the battle.

Don't allow him to push you down his slippery slide into utter destruction and misery. Take it from someone who was at the bottom of his slide for awhile, and had to fight my way back without the companionship of the holy-ghost. I can't begin to tell you how lonely, and depressing that road was. It started with curiosity from when I started hanging out with the wrong group of people, and had my first substance. I felt I could handle it...that I was strong enough to prevent things from getting out of hand. Curiosity lead to continuing to  justify things that I would do, until before I knew it, that curiosity turned into something BIG, and I lost my membership in the Lords true church. I was open to the buffetings of satan and his followers, and I WAS buffeted...day and night until I was able to be re-baptized. Don't permit yourself to get to this point. Don't say to yourself that you can prevent things from getting out of hand, 'cause you can't. Satan is very real."