Perfection Pending

 

Russell M. Nelson Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

 

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If I were to ask which of the Lord’s commandments is most difficult to keep, many of us might cite Matt. 5:48: “Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.”
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Keepingthis commandment can be a concern because each of us is far fromperfect, both spiritually and temporally. Reminders come repeatedly. Wemay lock keys inside the car, or even forget where the car is parked.And not infrequently we walk intently from one part of the house toanother, only to forget the reason for the errand.

 

Whencomparing one’s personal performance with the supreme standard of theLord’s expectation, the reality of imperfection can at times bedepressing. My heart goes out to conscientious Saints who, because oftheir shortcomings, allow feelings of depression to rob them ofhappiness in life.

 

We all need to remember: men are that they might have joy—not guilt trips! ² We also need to remember that the Lord gives no commandments that areimpossible to obey. But sometimes we fail to comprehend them fully.

 

Ourunderstanding of perfection might be aided if we classify it into twocategories. The first could pertain uniquely to this life—mortal perfection. The second category could pertain uniquely to the next life—immortal or eternal perfection.

 

Mortal Perfection

Inthis life, certain actions can be perfected. A baseball pitcher canthrow a no-hit, no-run ball game. A surgeon can perform an operationwithout an error. A musician can render a selection without a mistake.One can likewise achieve perfection in being punctual, paying tithing,keeping the Word of Wisdom, and so on. The enormous effort required toattain such self-mastery is rewarded with a deep sense of satisfaction.More importantly, spiritual attainments in mortality accompany us intoeternity. ³

 

Jamesgave a practical standard by which mortal perfection could be measured.He said, “If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man.” ⁴

 

Scriptures have described Noah, Seth, and Job as perfect men. ⁵ No doubt the same term might apply to a large number of faithfuldisciples in various dispensations. Alma said that “there were many,exceedingly great many,” ⁶ who were pure before the Lord.

 

Thisdoes not mean that these people never made mistakes or never had needof correction. The process of perfection includes challenges toovercome and steps to repentance that may be very painful. ⁷ There is a proper place for chastisement in the molding of character, for we know that “whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth.” ⁸

 

Mortalperfection can be achieved as we try to perform every duty, keep everylaw, and strive to be as perfect in our sphere as our Heavenly Fatheris in his. If we do the best we can, the Lord will bless us accordingto our deeds and the desires of our hearts. ⁹

 

Eternal Perfection

ButJesus asked for more than mortal perfection. The moment he uttered thewords “even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect,” he raisedour sights beyond the bounds of mortality. Our Heavenly Father haseternal perfection. This very fact merits a much broader perspective.

 

Recently I studied the English and Greek editions of the New Testament, concentrating on each use of the term perfectand its derivatives. Studying both languages together provided someinteresting insights, since Greek was the original language of the NewTestament.

 

In Matt. 5:48, the term perfect was translated from the Greek teleios, which means “complete.” Teleios is an adjective derived from the noun telos, which means “end.” ¹⁰ The infinitive form of the verb is teleiono, which means “to reach a distant end, to be fully developed, to consummate, or to finish.” ¹¹ Please note that the word does not imply “freedom from error”; itimplies “achieving a distant objective.” In fact, when writers of theGreek New Testament wished to describe perfection of behavior—precisionor excellence of human effort—they did not employ a form of teleios; instead, they chose different words. ¹²

 

Teleios is not a total stranger to us. From it comes the prefix tele- that we use every day. Telephone literally means “distant talk.” Television means “to see distantly.” Telephoto means “distant light,” and so on.

 

Withthat background in mind, let us consider another highly significantstatement made by the Lord. Just prior to his crucifixion, he said thaton “the third day I shall be perfected.” ¹³ Think of that! The sinless, errorless Lord—already perfect by ourmortal standards—proclaimed his own state of perfection yet to be inthe future. ¹⁴ His eternal perfection would follow his resurrection and receipt of “all power … in heaven and in earth.” ¹⁵

 

Theperfection that the Savior envisions for us is much more than errorlessperformance. It is the eternal expectation as expressed by the Lord inhis great intercessory prayer to his Father—that we might be madeperfect and be able to dwell with them in the eternities ahead. ¹⁶

 

The Lord’s entire work and glory pertains to the immortality and eternal life of each human being. ¹⁷ He came into the world to do the will of his Father, who sent him. ¹⁸ His sacred responsibility was foreseen before the creation ¹⁹ and was foretold by all his holy prophets since the world began. ²⁰

 

The atonement of Christfulfilled the long-awaited purpose for which he had come to the earth.His concluding words upon Calvary’s cross referred to the culminationof his assignment—to atone for all humankind. Then he said, “It isfinished.” ²¹ Not surprisingly, the Greek word from which finished was derived is teleios.

 

That Jesus attained eternal perfection followinghis resurrection is confirmed in the Book of Mormon. It records thevisit of the resurrected Lord to the people of ancient America. Therehe repeated the important injunction previously cited but with one verysignificant addition. He said, “I would that ye should be perfect even as I, or your Father who is in heaven is perfect.” ²² This time he listed himself along with his Father as a perfected personage. Previously he had not. ²³

 

Resurrection is requisite for eternal perfection. Thanks to the atonement of Jesus Christ,our bodies, corruptible in mortality, will become incorruptible. Ourphysical frames, now subject to disease, death, and decay, will acquireimmortal glory. ²⁴ Presently sustained by the blood of life ²⁵ and ever aging, our bodies will be sustained by spirit and become changeless and beyond the bounds of death. ²⁶

 

Eternalperfection is reserved for those who overcome all things and inheritthe fulness of the Father in his heavenly mansions. Perfection consistsin gaining eternal life—the kind of life that God lives. ²⁷

 

Ordinances and Covenants of the Temple

Scripturesidentify other important prerequisites to eternal perfection. Theyrelate to the ordinances and covenants of the temple. ²⁸ No accountable individual can receive exaltation in the celestialkingdom without the ordinances of the temple. Endowments and sealingsare for our personal perfection and are secured through ourfaithfulness. ²⁹

 

This requirement also pertains to our ancestors. Paul taught “that they without us should not be made perfect.” ³⁰ Again, in that verse, the Greek term from which perfect was translated was a form of teleios. ³¹

 

Inlatter-day revelation, the Lord was even more explicit. His prophetwrote: “My dearly beloved brethren and sisters, let me assure you thatthese are principles in relation to the dead and the living that cannotbe lightly passed over, as pertaining to our salvation. For theirsalvation is necessary and essential to our salvation. … They withoutus cannot be made perfect—neither can we without our dead be madeperfect.” ³²

 

Encouragement from the Savior’s Example

Ourclimb up the path to perfection is aided by encouragement from thescriptures. They hold the promise that we shall, if faithful in allthings, become like Deity. John the beloved Apostle wrote:

 

“We should be called the sons [and daughters] of God. …

 

“… When he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is.

 

“And every man that hath this hope in him purifieth himself, even as he is pure.” ³³

 

Continuing encouragement comes as we follow the example of Jesus, who taught, “Be ye holy; for I am holy.” ³⁴ His hope for us is crystal clear! He declared: “What manner of men ought ye to be? Verily I say unto you, even as I am.” ³⁵ Thus, our adoration of Jesus is best expressed by our emulation of Jesus. ³⁶

 

Peoplehave never failed to follow Jesus because his standards were impreciseor insufficiently high. Quite to the contrary. Some have disregardedhis teachings because they were viewed as being too precise orimpractically high! Yet such lofty standards, when earnestly pursued,produce great inner peace and incomparable joy.

 

Thereis no other individual to compare with Jesus Christ, nor is there anyother exhortation equal to his sublime expression of hope: “I wouldthat ye should be perfect even as I, or your Father who is in heaven isperfect.” ³⁷

 

Thisdivine entreaty is consistent with the fact that, as begotten childrenof heavenly parents, we are endowed with the potential to become likethem, just as mortal children may become like their mortal parents.

 

TheLord restored his church to help us prepare for perfection. Paul saidthat the Savior placed in the Church Apostles, prophets, and teachers,“for the perfecting of the saints, … for the edifying of the body ofChrist:

 

“Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ.” ³⁸

 

The perfect man described in Paul’s quotation is the completed person—teleios—the glorified soul!

 

Moronitaught how to gain this glorious objective. His instruction stands inany age as an antidote for depression and a prescription for joy. Iecho his plea: “Come unto Christ, and be perfected in him, and denyyourselves of all ungodliness; … love God with all your might, mind andstrength … [Then] ye may be perfect in Christ, … holy, [and] withoutspot.” ³⁹

 

Meanwhile,brothers and sisters, let us do the best we can and try to improve eachday. When our imperfections appear, we can keep trying to correct them.We can be more forgiving of flaws in ourselves and among those we love.We can be comforted and forbearing. The Lord taught, “Ye are not ableto abide the presence of God now … ; wherefore, continue in patienceuntil ye are perfected.” ⁴⁰

 

Weneed not be dismayed if our earnest efforts toward perfection now seemso arduous and endless. Perfection is pending. It can come in full onlyafter the Resurrection and only through the Lord. It awaits all wholove him and keep his commandments. It includes thrones, kingdoms,principalities, powers, and dominions. ⁴¹ It is the end for which we are to endure. ⁴² It is the eternal perfection that God has in store for each of us. I so testify in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

 

 

A Conversation on Spouse Abuse

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Church leaders have consistently spoken out against spouse abuse. For example, in an October 1998 general conference address President Gordon B. Hinckley said:

“We condemn most strongly abusive behavior in any form. We denounce the physical, sexual, verbal, or emotional abuse of one’s spouse or children. …

“No man who abuses his wife or children is worthy to hold the priesthood of God. No man who abuses his wife or children is worthy to be a member in good standing in this Church. The abuse of one’s spouse and children is a most serious offense before God, and any who indulge in it may expect to be disciplined by the Church” (“What Are People Asking about Us?” Ensign, Nov. 1998, 72).

The proclamation on the family also contains a forceful condemnation of abuse: “We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God” (“The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102).

Ensign staff members recently spoke with several Latter-day Saint professionals about this issue. John C. Nelson, M.D., an obstetrician-gynecologist, is on the board of the American Medical Association and is the spokesperson for the AMA Alliance SAVE (Stop America’s Violence Everywhere) program. He is a member of Salt Lake City’s Monument Park Second Ward, Monument Park North Stake. Anne L. Horton is an associate professor of social work at Brigham Young University and is a licensed clinical social worker whose practice focuses on domestic abuse. She is a member of the Ensign Third Ward, Salt Lake Ensign Stake. Brent H. Bartholomew is an attorney experienced in representing abused spouses and children. He is a member of the Lakeridge 12th Ward, Orem Utah Lakeridge North Stake.

Defining Spouse Abuse

Ensign: Some think spouse abuse includes only acts of a physical nature. Thus, how should the term be defined?

Anne Horton: Many experts define spouse abuse as the maltreatment of another in an attempt to control him or her. Spouse abuse may be physical, emotional, verbal, or sexual. This type of abuse behavior between parents sets the tone for the rest of the family. It has severe ramifications on children as well as spouses because it traumatizes the children and may lead them to imitate that behavior later on.

John Nelson: Spouse abuse involves inappropriate acts of one spouse over the other. It may involve coercive acts in which an abuser forces a person to do something that he or she normally would not do, with no particular concern for the victim. Abuse may also include the use of threats, name calling, yelling, and intimidation.

I believe that there are people, women particularly, who are abuse victims but wouldn’t describe themselves as such. They can’t go out of their homes, they have to be back at nine o’clock, they can’t go to lunch on Tuesday because they didn’t get permission from their husbands, and so on. It may not necessarily involve being beaten up, but it is still abuse and is outside the bounds the Lord has set for marriage.

Brent Bartholomew: Spouse abuse is behavior that is destructive to the body, mind, or spirit. In fact, long after any possible physical injuries heal, the emotional scars of abuse may still persist.

Ensign: What are some signs of spouse abuse that are not as obvious as bruises or other physical marks?

Anne Horton: There are usually many signs of abuse rather than a single isolated sign. One may be when an individual shows fear at times when this would not be expected. For instance, a person may be afraid to speak without the spouse’s permission. Abuse victims may be isolated a lot; they may not be allowed to take part in community activities, and the people they see and how their time is spent may be closely monitored by the spouse. Those are some indicators we worry about. However, we do not want people to see abuse where none exists.

Brent Bartholomew: It’s important that we don’t encourage witch hunts against others in any way because abuse is not a part of the vast majority of marriage relationships. But when abuse does occur, the problem needs to be addressed constructively.

John Nelson: One possible sign of spouse abuse is an abrupt change in behavior. For example, a person who is typically outgoing and happy suddenly becomes withdrawn. The combination of warning signs sometimes clarifies the picture.

Ensign: What are some reasons abuse occurs?

Brent Bartholomew: Abuse may be part of a learned behavior pattern. In some cases there may be a biochemical imbalance or medical problem that contributes to a person’s abusive behavior. In other cases the abuser may be involved with drugs or alcohol. There is no single reason why abuse occurs; many factors can contribute to abusive behavior, and abusers can come from a wide variety of backgrounds.

John Nelson: Ultimately the abuser is responsible for his or her behavior. It is not the alcohol, for example, that makes people abusive. They are abusive first, and the alcohol may be a facilitator.

In some cases abusers misunderstand or misapply the concept of leadership in the home. I want to make it very clear that it’s not the concept of a presiding leader in the home that is wrong; it’s the misapplication of it. The 121st section of the Doctrine and Covenants speaks of that specifically: “The rights of the priesthood are inseparably connected with the powers of heaven, … but when we … exercise control or dominion or compulsion … in any degree of unrighteousness, behold, the heavens withdraw themselves” (D&C 121:36–37).

Changing Abusive Behavior

Ensign: How likely is it that abusers will change?

Brent Bartholomew: If they genuinely want to change and if they seek appropriate help and put forth the required effort, they can be successful. No one should say, “Well, this is just the way I am.” It may take action by a Church disciplinary council because disciplinary councils are set up to help people repent and change. Through sincere, sustained effort on their part and by the Savior’s atoning power, they can receive a mighty change of heart, repent, and be forgiven.

Anne Horton: Change is possible, but it isn’t easy, and it doesn’t take place over just a few counseling sessions or progressive steps. It takes time and commitment. Abusers need to know their behavior is a choice. Every time they hit someone, every time they slam a door in someone’s face, they’ve made a choice to do that and they need to take responsibility for their actions.

Of the many resources we have for dealing with the problem of abuse, the greatest resources are gospel teachings and our Church leaders, with their commitment to help us strengthen our families.

How Church Leaders Can Help

Ensign: What kind of help can abuse victims receive from Church leaders?

John Nelson: If things are going on that ought not to be, members have the right to go to their local ecclesiastical leaders for help. Bishops or branch presidents, who are encouraged to conduct a private interview with the injured spouse, have the right to receive revelation regarding the abusive situation. There are times when bishops may not know how to deal with the problem. In those cases bishops most likely would seek professional guidance, possibly from LDS Family Services. Instructions on dealing with abuse are found in The Church Handbook of Instructions, which is available to local leaders. There are many avenues. It is not incumbent upon bishops to be trained counselors to provide help.

Brent Bartholomew: I think most bishops realize their own limitations. They can give spiritual guidance and spiritual help, but additional assistance may be required. In some severe cases victims may need to be temporarily outside of the home, so they may need short-term housing and assistance in that respect. They may need counseling that is more intensive and more frequent than the bishop can provide. In severe cases where physical abuse is involved, they may need legal help to get a protective order. A bishop can let them know where to go for the type of help they need. People who are being victimized by abuse should not wait until the problem becomes dangerous before seeking assistance.

John Nelson: We need to understand that the Lord has called the bishop to be the steward over the members of his ward. I know the Lord can bless those leaders with the inspiration they need.

Anne Horton: The Church produces spiritually directed resources that bishops can share with people who may need them, for example, Preventing and Responding to Spouse Abuse (pamphlet, 1997). The bishop can put individuals in contact with therapists who have been identified as being responsible and trustworthy. If these individuals cannot afford to pay the entire cost of counseling, the bishop can help arrange for financial assistance.

John Nelson: If people are not comfortable going to their bishops at first, they may consider talking to their physician or some other health professional they know.

Becoming Informed

Ensign: Initially some victims may want to obtain information anonymously. Where can they go for this information?

Anne Horton: In addition to the Church pamphlet Preventing and Responding to Spouse Abuse, much useful information is available in bookstores and libraries, though people should be selective in choosing materials that are in harmony with Church policies and practices. Many towns have crisis centers for women and children where victims can call or walk in and speak with counselors who may provide them with literature or other resources. Victims don’t have to sign their names or be photographed; confidentiality is closely observed. Other resources are the local police department and the department of human services, both of which should be listed in the local telephone book. They can provide helpful telephone numbers to call. And usually the front section of the phone book will list community services that are offered. One may want to approach LDS Family Services for information and direction in areas where this is available, although this is generally done with a bishop’s referral.

Information is usually more readily accessible than most people think.

Ensign: When someone believes that a family member or friend is in an abusive situation, how can they appropriately help that person?

John Nelson: One of the most important things a person can do to help an abuse victim is to listen. When we offer counsel for problems we do not fully understand, we may only exacerbate the problem. But when we listen, the very fact that someone is acknowledging that what is going on is wrong may be the first step in the victim’s realizing that the abuse must be stopped. We need to listen carefully, we need to listen nonjudgmentally.

Brent Bartholomew: If you have strong evidence that someone you know is experiencing spouse abuse, you might say to the person, “It sounds like there might be a problem; may I help?” That’s a direct approach. You might offer to take your friend to see the bishop. It might not be so intimidating for your friend to talk with him about the problem if there is somebody supportive to help. If it’s someone you don’t know well, or if you feel it may be dangerous for you to get involved, you can say to your ecclesiastical leader, “Next door here’s what I’ve observed; they seem to need some help.” Staying silent only makes the problem worse. However, it is absolutely crucial that it be done in a confidential manner.

The Seriousness of Abuse

Ensign: Leaving the home may seem like a drastic step for someone deeply committed to a marriage. What would make this action necessary?

Anne Horton: Safety issues—especially when physical or sexual abuse is occurring—always come first in a crisis. After people are safe, other relationship issues can be addressed.

Brent Bartholomew: The marriage may still be workable, but sometimes there needs to be a separation so that the abuse can stop and the healing process can start. During this time, a couple may seek counseling to learn how to deal with problems effectively without resorting to abuse. But both parties must be committed to the change; otherwise, change is almost impossible.

In severe cases, counseling for both spouses may not be effective and may even increase the risk of further abuse. In such cases the most effective treatment may be court-ordered domestic violence counseling for the perpetrator.

John Nelson: The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists in Washington, D.C., recommends specifically what they call an exit or a safety plan for people in physical danger. The safety plan is, if you cannot prevent being physically attacked, have in mind a place to go that is available day or night, rain or shine. You need to think about the details. You’ve got to have money, car keys, identification, prescription medication, clothing for the children, soap, a person who can receive you day or night or a key to get in, and a way to get there. A crisis shelter may be your best option because most have police protection. That’s a last resort, but that’s the kind of information that might make it possible to diffuse the situation, at least for the short term.

Ensign: Is false reporting of abuse a valid issue?

Brent Bartholomew: False reporting may occur on occasion, but a report of abuse should always be taken seriously.

Anne Horton: Even if abuse hasn’t occurred, a problem of some kind exists when someone would make that accusation, and the problem needs to be addressed.

John Nelson: If people say they’re being abused, believe them.

Healing through the Gospel

Ensign: How can the gospel help those dealing with abuse?

Brent Bartholomew: The Savior’s Atonement encompasses all suffering, not only suffering for our sins but also suffering as a consequence of others’ sins. The pain of those who have been abused can be eliminated through the sanctifying power of the Atonement and the pure and perfect love of Christ. Sometimes this healing process occurs more slowly when a woman has difficulty developing a relationship with our Heavenly Father due to the inappropriate manner in which she has been treated by male figures in her life. But through divine help, she can eventually be healed from the consequences of her spouse’s sins of abuse.

Now, I’ve used the term woman here because abused women are most at risk for serious injury or death. But men can also be abused by their wives. Such abuse is serious and can have lasting, damaging consequences.

Ensign: How can marriage partners exercise the forgiveness the gospel requires and yet avoid falling into the repeating cycle of abuse?

Anne Horton: Just as repentance is a process, so is forgiveness. Unfortunately many people think that forgiving equals forgetting and, therefore, are afraid forgiveness makes them vulnerable. But while the Lord commands us to forgive, He doesn’t tell us to forget any lessons we have learned or demand that we trust an abuser. We can forgive someone without putting ourselves in the position to be victimized again. Love can be achieved and so can forgiveness, but we still must protect ourselves.

Brent Bartholomew: It is very important to learn to forgive, but an abused spouse shouldn’t feel she has to return to a relationship with someone who is unwilling to repent of destructive behavior. When victims who have removed themselves from abusive situations forgive their abusers, it may not mean much to the abusers themselves. But it can mean a great deal to the people who have been abused. In some cases, the anger they feel is more destructive than the abuse they suffer. People need to overcome that anger and feel the Savior’s atoning sacrifice and power in their lives. It can be a difficult process, but it allows spouses who have experienced abuse in the past to move forward.

John Nelson: We need to make it very clear that victims do not need to ask for forgiveness for something they haven’t done. No one deserves to be a victim of abuse.

Preventing the Problem

Ensign: What can be done to prevent abuse?

Brent Bartholomew: In a general sense, youth as well as adults need to be taught correct principles on which to base their relationships with others, and they need positive role models to emulate. Caring priesthood and auxiliary leaders can help in this process.

If a couple is worthily married in the temple after becoming best friends over time, that greatly increases their chances for a marriage that is free from abuse.

It is important to learn to effectively communicate and problem-solve with your spouse because most abusers do not know how to solve problems. It is never acceptable to hit, belittle, or otherwise try to control a spouse in an attempt to solve a problem.

John Nelson: When two people are dating, they should watch carefully how the potential marriage partner reacts to children, other family members, pets, frustrations, and so forth. These actions often reflect the way a person will treat the spouse or other family members.

Brent Bartholomew: Here is another clue: a potential marriage partner who suggests that standards of personal worthiness be set aside in the name of love should be shunned. Abuse is a selfish act. People who invite someone they profess to love to participate in spiritually destructive behavior are acting out of selfishness, not love. Furthermore, those who currently have problems stemming from substance abuse, sexual immorality, pornography, or rage are much more likely to become abusive because they lack self-control.

John Nelson: I think we all ought to celebrate the good marriages we see. I know that not every aspect of these relationships is perfect, but we can learn a great deal from many around us who have successfully made gospel teachings a foundation for their marriages.

9: The good news

God provided a way to meet His standard and overcome all that is stacked against us. This is the good news of the gospel known as the atonement of Jesus Christ. The atonement provides a way to both cover the repercussions of falling short and it enables us to find access to Christ’s infinite resources. Through covenants with Christ we become joint heirs to Christ’s perfect attributes while we work on perfecting our own. (Col 1:28; 1 Pet. 5:10; Moro. 10:32; D&C 67:13) Christ was whole and complete in thought, feeling, and action. He is the model of good thoughts, feelings, and actions. Through the making of covenants we have access to these infinite resources. We also can be forgiven for the misuse of our agency. It is also Christ’s atonement that gives us the power to forgive others in the misuse of their agency upon us.