LDS Women Are Incredible

LDS Women Are Incredible!
BY ELDER QUENTIN L. COOK
Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Much of what we accomplish in the Church is due to the selfless service of women.
Author and historian Wallace Stegner wrote about the Mormon migration and gathering to the Salt Lake Valley. He did not accept our faith and in many ways was critical; nevertheless, he was impressed with the devotion and heroism of our early Church members, especially the women. He stated, “Their women were incredible.”1 I echo that sentiment today. Our Latter-day Saint women are incredible!

God placed within women divine qualities of strength, virtue, love, and the willingness to sacrifice to raise future generations of His spirit children.

A recent United States study asserts that women of all faiths “believe more fervently in God” and attend more religious services than men do. “By virtually every measure they are more religious.”2

I was not surprised by this result, particularly as I reflected on the preeminent role of families and women in our faith. Our doctrine is clear: Women are daughters of our Heavenly Father, who loves them. Wives are equal to their husbands. Marriage requires a full partnership where wives and husbands work side by side to meet the needs of the family.3

We know there are many challenges for women, including those striving to live the gospel.

Heritage of Pioneer Sisters
A predominant attribute in the lives of our pioneer ancestors is the faith of the sisters. Women by divine nature have the greater gift and responsibility for home and children and nurturing there and in other settings. In light of this, the faith of the sisters in being willing to leave their homes to cross the plains for the unknown was inspiring. If one had to characterize their most significant attribute, it would be their unwavering faith in the restored gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ.

The heroic accounts of what these pioneer women sacrificed and accomplished as they crossed the plains is a priceless legacy to the Church. I am moved by the account of Elizabeth Jackson, whose husband Aaron died after the last crossing of the Platte River with the Martin handcart company. She wrote:

“I will not attempt to describe my feelings at finding myself thus left a widow with three children, under such excruciating circumstances. … I believe … that my sufferings for the Gospel’s sake will be sanctified unto me for my good. …

“I [appealed] to the Lord, … He who had promised to be a husband to the widow, and a father to the fatherless. I appealed to him and he came to my aid.”4

Elizabeth said she was writing the history on behalf of those who passed through like scenes with the hope that posterity would be willing to suffer and sacrifice all things for the kingdom of God.5

Women in the Church Today Are Strong and Valiant
I believe the women of the Church today meet that challenge and are every bit as strong and faithful. The priesthood leadership of this Church at all levels gratefully acknowledges the service, sacrifice, commitment, and contribution of the sisters.

Much of what we accomplish in the Church is due to the selfless service of women. Whether in the Church or in the home, it is a beautiful thing to see the priesthood and the Relief Society work in perfect harmony. Such a relationship is like a well-tuned orchestra, and the resulting symphony inspires all of us.

When I was recently assigned to a conference in the Mission Viejo California Stake, I was touched by an account of their four-stake New Year’s Eve youth dance. Following the dance, a purse was found with no outside identification. I share with you part of what Sister Monica Sedgwick, the Young Women president in the Laguna Niguel stake, recorded: “We didn’t want to pry; this was someone’s personal stuff! So we gingerly opened it and grabbed the first thing that was on top—hopefully, it would identify her. It did, but in another way—it was a For the Strength of Youth pamphlet. Wow! This told us something about her. Then we reached in for the next item, a little notebook. Surely this would give us answers, but not the kind we were expecting. The first page was a list of favorite scriptures. There were five more pages of carefully written scriptures and personal notes.”

The sisters immediately wanted to meet this stalwart young woman. They returned to that purse to identify its owner. They pulled out some breath mints, soap, lotion, and a brush. I loved their comments: “Oh, good things come out of her mouth; she has clean and soft hands; and she takes care of herself.”

They eagerly awaited the next treasure. Out came a clever little homemade coin purse made from a cardboard juice carton, and there was some money in a zippered pocket. They exclaimed, “Ahh, she’s creative and prepared!” They felt like little children on Christmas morning. What they pulled out next surprised them even more: a recipe for Black Forest chocolate cake and a note to make the cake for a friend’s birthday. They almost screamed, “She’s a HOMEMAKER! Thoughtful and service minded.” Then, yes, finally some identification. The youth leaders said they felt greatly blessed “to observe the quiet example of a young lady living the gospel.”6

This account illustrates the commitment of our young women to Church standards.7 It is also an example of caring, interested, dedicated Young Women leaders all over the world. They are incredible!

Sisters have key roles in the Church, in family life, and as individuals that are essential in Heavenly Father’s plan. Many of these responsibilities do not provide economic compensation but do provide satisfaction and are eternally significant. Recently a delightful and very capable woman on a newspaper editorial board asked for a description of the role of women in the Church. It was explained that all of the leaders in our congregations are unpaid. She interrupted to say her interest had diminished significantly. She said, “I don’t believe women need any more unpaid jobs.”

We pointed out that the most important organization on earth is the family, where “fathers and mothers are … equal partners.”8 Neither one is financially compensated, but the blessings are beyond description. We of course told her about the Relief Society, Young Women, and Primary organizations that are guided by women presidents. We noted that from our earliest history both men and women pray, perform the music, give the sermons, and sing in the choir, even in sacrament meeting, our most sacred meeting.

The recent highly acclaimed book American Grace reported on women in many faiths. It noted that Latter-day Saint women are unique in being overwhelmingly satisfied with their role in Church leadership.9 Furthermore, Latter-day Saints as a whole, men and women, have the strongest attachment to their faith of any of the religions studied.10

Our women are not incredible because they have managed to avoid the difficulties of life—quite the opposite. They are incredible because of the way they face the trials of life. Despite the challenges and tests life has to offer—from marriage or lack of marriage, children’s choices, poor health, lack of opportunities, and many other problems—they remain remarkably strong and immovable and true to the faith. Our sisters throughout the Church consistently “succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees.”11

One Relief Society president who acknowledged this extraordinary service said, “Even when the sisters serve, they are thinking, ‘If only I could have done more!’” Though they are not perfect and all face individual struggles, their faith in a loving Father in Heaven and the assurance of the atoning sacrifice of the Savior permeates their lives.

Role of Sisters in the Church
During the last three years, the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve have sought guidance, inspiration, and revelation as we have counseled with priesthood and auxiliary leaders and worked on the new Church handbooks. In this process I have experienced feelings of overwhelming appreciation for the essential role that sisters, both married and single, have historically played and now play both in the family and in the Church.

All members of the Church of Jesus Christ are “to labor in his vineyard for the salvation of the souls of men.”12 “[The] work of salvation includes member missionary work, convert retention, activation of less-active members, temple and family history work, … teaching the gospel,”13 and caring for the poor and needy.14 This is administered primarily through the ward council.15

Specifically, it is intended in the new handbooks that bishops, sensitive to existing demands, will delegate more responsibilities. Members need to recognize that the bishop has been instructed to delegate. Members need to sustain and support him as he follows this counsel. This will allow the bishop to spend more time with the youth, young single adults, and his own family. He will delegate other important responsibilities to priesthood leaders, presidents of auxiliaries, and individual men and women. In the Church the role of women in the home is highly respected.16 When the mother receives a Church calling that requires significant time, the father will often be given a less-demanding calling in order to maintain balance in the lives of the family.

Several years ago I attended a stake conference in Tonga. Sunday morning the three front rows of the chapel were filled with men between 26 and 35 years of age. I assumed they were a men’s choir. But when the business of the conference was conducted, each of these men, 63 in total, stood up as their names were read and were sustained for ordination to the Melchizedek Priesthood. I was both pleased and stunned.

After the session I asked President Mateaki, the stake president, how this miracle had been accomplished. He told me that in a stake council meeting reactivation was being discussed. His stake Relief Society president, Sister Leinata Va’enuku, asked if it would be appropriate for her to say something. As she spoke, the Spirit confirmed to the president that what she was suggesting was true. She explained that there were large numbers of wonderful young men in their late 20s and 30s in their stake who had not served missions. She said many of them knew they had disappointed bishops and priesthood leaders who had strongly encouraged them to serve a mission, and they now felt like second-class members of the Church. She pointed out that these young men were beyond missionary age. She expressed her love and concern for them. She explained that all of the saving ordinances were still available to them and the focus should be on priesthood ordinations and the ordinances of the temple. She noted that while some of these young men were still single, the majority of them had married wonderful women—some active, some inactive, and some not members.

After thorough discussion in the stake council, it was decided that the men of the priesthood and the women of the Relief Society would reach out to rescue these men and their wives, while the bishops spent more of their time with the young men and young women in the wards. Those involved in the rescue focused primarily on preparing them for the priesthood, eternal marriage, and the saving ordinances of the temple. During the next two years, almost all of the 63 men who had been sustained to the Melchizedek Priesthood at the conference I attended were endowed in the temple and had their spouses sealed to them. This account is but one example of how critical our sisters are in the work of salvation in our wards and stakes and how they facilitate revelation, especially in family and Church councils.17

Role of Sisters in the Family
We recognize that there are enormous forces arrayed against women and families. Recent studies find there is deterioration in devotion to marriage, with a decrease in the number of adults being married.18 For some, marriage and family are becoming “a menu choice rather than the central organizing principle of our society.”19 Women are confronted with many options and need to prayerfully consider the choices they make and how those choices affect the family.

When I was in New Zealand last year, I read in an Auckland newspaper of women, not of our faith, struggling with these issues. One mother said she realized that in her case, her choice about whether to work or stay home was about a new carpet and a second car that she didn’t really need. Another woman, however, felt “the biggest enemy of a happy family life was not paid work—it was television.” She said that families are TV rich and family-time poor.20

These are very emotional, personal decisions, but there are two principles that we should always keep in mind. First, no woman should ever feel the need to apologize or feel that her contribution is less significant because she is devoting her primary efforts to raising and nurturing children. Nothing could be more significant in our Father in Heaven’s plan. Second, we should all be careful not to be judgmental or assume that sisters are less valiant if the decision is made to work outside the home. We rarely understand or fully appreciate people’s circumstances. Husbands and wives should prayerfully counsel together, understanding they are accountable to God for their decisions.

You devoted sisters who are single parents for whatever reason, our hearts reach out to you with appreciation. Prophets have made it clear “that many hands stand ready to help you. The Lord is not unmindful of you. Neither is His Church.”21 I would hope that Latter-day Saints would be at the forefront in creating an environment in the workplace that is more receptive and accommodating to both women and men in their responsibilities as parents.

You valiant and faithful single sisters, please know that we love and appreciate you, and we assure you that no eternal blessing will be withheld from you.

The remarkable pioneer woman Emily H. Woodmansee penned the text of the hymn “As Sisters in Zion.” She correctly asserts that the “errand of angels is given to women.”22 This has been described as “nothing less than to do the direct and immediate bidding of our Father in Heaven, and ‘this is a gift that … sisters … claim.’”23

Dear sisters, we love and admire you. We appreciate your service in the Lord’s kingdom. You are incredible! I express particular appreciation for the women in my life. I testify of the reality of the Atonement, the divinity of the Savior, and the Restoration of His Church, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.


Notes

  1. Wallace Stegner, The Gathering of Zion: The Story of the Mormon Trail (1971), 13.
  2. Robert D. Putnam and David E. Campbell, American Grace: How Religion Divides and Unites Us (2010), 233.
  3. See Handbook 2: Administering the Church (2010), 1.3.1; see also Moses 5:1, 4, 12, 27.
  4. In Andrew D. Olsen, The Price We Paid: The Extraordinary Story of the Willie and Martin Handcart Pioneers (2006), 445.
  5. See “Leaves from the Life of Elizabeth Horrocks Jackson Kingsford,” Utah State Historical Society, Manuscript A 719; in “Remembering the Rescue,” Ensign, Aug. 1997, 47.
  6. Combined and shortened from an e-mail written by Monica Sedgwick, stake Young Women president of the Laguna Niguel California Stake, and a talk given by Leslie Mortensen, stake Young Women president of the Mission Viejo California Stake.
  7. In an article titled “Why Do We Let Them Dress Like That?” (Wall Street Journal, Mar. 19–20, 2011, C3), a thoughtful Jewish mother advocates for dress standards and modesty and acknowledges the example of Mormon women.
  8. “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” Liahona and Ensign, Nov. 2010, 129.
  9. See Putnam and Campbell, American Grace, 244–45.
  10. See Putnam and Campbell, American Grace, 504.
  11. Doctrine and Covenants 81:5; see also Mosiah 4:26.
  12. Doctrine and Covenants 138:56.
  13. Handbook 2: Administering the Church (2010), page 22.
  14. See Handbook 2, 6.1.
  15. See Handbook 2, 4.5.
  16. See Emily Matchar, “Why I Can’t Stop Reading Mormon Housewife Blogs,” salon.com/life/feature/2011/01/15/feminist_obsessed_with_mormon_blogs. This self-described feminist and atheist acknowledges this respect and says she is addicted to reading Mormon housewife blogs.
  17. From conversations with Nuku’alofa Tonga Ha’akame Stake president Lehonitai Mateaki (who subsequently served as president of the Papua New Guinea Port Moresby Mission) and stake Relief Society president Leinata Va’enuku.
  18. See D’Vera Cohn and Richard Fry, “Women, Men, and the New Economics of Marriage,” Pew Research Center, Social and Demographic Trends, pewsocialtrends.org. The number of children being born has also decreased significantly in many countries. This has been called the demographic winter.
  19. “A Troubling Marriage Trend,” Deseret News, Nov. 22, 2010, A14, quoting a report on msnbc.com.
  20. See Simon Collins, “Put Family before Moneymaking Is Message from Festival,” New Zealand Herald, Feb. 1, 2010, A2.
  21. Gordon B. Hinckley, “Women of the Church,” Ensign, Nov. 1996, 69; see also Spencer W. Kimball, “Our Sisters in the Church,” Ensign, Nov. 1979, 48–49.
  22. “As Sisters in Zion,” Hymns, no. 309.
  23. Karen Lynn Davidson, Our Latter-Day Hymns: The Stories and the Messages, rev. ed. (2009), 338–39.

FIRST PRESIDENCY MESSAGE

Fathers, Mothers, Marriage

By President James E. Faust

Second Counselor in the First Presidency

In recent times, society has been plagued with a cancer from which few families have escaped. I speak of the disintegration of our homes. Immediate corrective treatment is urgent. In what I have to say, I do not wish to offend anyone. I affirm my profound belief that God’s greatest creation is womanhood. I also believe that there is no greater good in all the world than motherhood. The influence of a mother in the lives of her children is beyond calculation. Single parents, most of whom are mothers, perform an especially heroic service.

I hasten to acknowledge that there are too many husbands and fathers who are abusive to their wives and children and from whom the wives and children need protection. Yet modern sociological studies powerfully reaffirm the essential influence of a caring father in the life of a child—boy or girl. In the past 20 years, as homes and families have struggled to stay intact, sociological studies have revealed this alarming fact: much of the crime and many of the behavioral disorders in the United States come from homes where the father has abandoned the children. In many societies, child poverty, crime, drug abuse, and family decay can be traced to conditions where the father gives no male nurturing. Sociologically, it is now painfully apparent that fathers are not optional family baggage.

Fathers need to do the best they can to be the primary provider for physical and spiritual support. I state this with no reluctance because the Lord has revealed that this obligation is placed upon husbands. “Women have claim on their husbands for their maintenance, until their husbands are taken.” ¹ Further, “all children have claim upon their parents for their maintenance until they are of age.” ² In addition, their spiritual welfare should be “brought to pass by the faith and covenant of their fathers.” ³ As regards little children, the Lord has promised “that great things may be required at the hand of their fathers.” ⁴

Complementary Roles

It is useless to debate which parent is most important. No one would doubt that a mother’s influence is paramount with newborns and in the first years of a child’s life. The father’s influence increases as the child grows older. However, each parent is necessary at various times in a child’s development. Both fathers and mothers do many intrinsically different things for their children. Both are equipped to nurture children, but their approaches are different. Mothers seem to take a dominant role in preparing children to live within their families, present and future. Fathers seem best equipped to prepare children to function in the environment outside the family.

One authority states: “Studies show that fathers also have a special role to play in building a child’s [self-respect]. They are important too, in ways we don’t really understand, in developing internal limits and control in children.” He continues: “Research also shows that fathers are critical in the establishment of gender in children. Interestingly, fatherly involvement produces stronger sexual identity and character in both boys and girls. It’s well established that the masculinity of sons and the femininity of daughters are each greater when fathers are active in family life.” ⁵

Parents in any marital situation have a duty to set aside personal differences and encourage each other’s righteous influence in the lives of their children.

Is it not possible to give to womankind all of the rights and blessings that come from God and legal authority without diminishing the nobility of God’s other grand creation, manhood? A reflection on this theme stated in 1872:

“The status of women is one of the questions of the day. Socially and politically it forces itself upon the attention of the world. Some … refuse to concede that woman is entitled to the enjoyment of any rights other than … the whims, fancies or justice … men may choose to grant her. The reasons which they cannot meet with argument they decry and ridicule; an old refuge for those opposed to correct principles which they are unable to controvert. Others … not only recognize that woman’s status should be improved, but are so radical in their extreme theories that they would set her in antagonism to man, assume for her a separate and opposing existence; and to show how entirely independent she should be [they] would make her adopt the more reprehensible phases of character which men present, and which should be shunned or improved by them instead of being copied by women. These are two extremes, and between them is the ‘golden mean.’” ⁶

Use of the Priesthood

Many people do not understand our belief that God has wisely established a guiding authority for the most important institutions in the world. This guiding authority is called the priesthood. The priesthood is held in trust to be used to bless all of God’s children. Priesthood is not gender; it is blessings from God for all at the hands of the servants He has designated. Within the Church this authority of the priesthood can bless all members through the ministration of home teachers, quorum presidents, bishops and branch presidents, fathers, and all other righteous brethren who are charged with the administration of the affairs of the kingdom of God. Priesthood is the righteous power and influence by which boys are taught in their youth and throughout their lives to honor chastity, to be honest and industrious, and to develop respect for and stand in the defense of womanhood. Priesthood is a restraining influence. Girls are taught that through its influence and power to bless, they can fulfill many of their desires.

Honoring the priesthood means following the example of Christ and seeking to emulate His example of fatherhood. It means constant concern and caring for one’s own flesh and blood. The man who holds the priesthood is to honor it by eternally cherishing, with absolute fidelity, his wife and the mother of his children. He is to extend lifelong care and concern for his children and their children. The plea of David for his rebel son is one of the most moving in all of the scriptures: “O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! would God I had died for thee, O Absalom, my son, my son!” ⁷

I urge husbands and fathers of this Church to be the kind of men your wives would not want to be without. I urge the sisters of this Church to be patient, loving, and understanding with their husbands. Those who enter into marriage should be fully prepared to establish their marriage as the first priority in their lives.

It is destructive to the feeling essential for a happy marriage for either party to say to the other marriage partner, “I don’t need you.” This is particularly so because the counsel of the Savior was and is to become one flesh: “For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh[.] Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh.” ⁸

Being of One Heart

It is far more difficult to be of one heart and mind than to be physically one. This unity of heart and mind is manifest in sincere expressions of “I appreciate you” and “I am proud of you.” Such domestic harmony results from forgiving and forgetting, essential elements of a maturing marriage relationship. Someone has said that we “should keep [our] eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterward.” ⁹ True charity ought to begin in marriage, for it is a relationship that must be rebuilt every day.

I wonder if it is possible for one marriage partner to jettison the other and become completely whole. Either partner who diminishes the divine role of the other in the presence of the children demeans the budding femininity within the daughters and the emerging manhood of the sons. I suppose there are always some honest differences between husband and wife, but let them be settled in private.

It must be recognized that some marriages fail. To those in that circumstance I extend understanding because every divorce carries heartache with it. But at all costs couples should avoid covenant breaking. In my opinion, any promise between a man and a woman incident to a marriage ceremony rises to the dignity of a covenant. The family relationship of father, mother, and child is the oldest and most enduring institution in the world. It has survived vast differences of geography and culture. This is because marriage between man and woman is a natural state and is ordained of God. It is a moral imperative. Those marriages performed in our temples, meant to be eternal relationships, then become the most sacred covenants we can make. The sealing power given by God through Elijah is thus invoked, and God becomes a party to the promises.

Over a lifetime of dealing with human problems, I have struggled to understand what might be considered “just cause” for breaking of covenants. I confess I do not claim the wisdom nor authority to definitely state what is “just cause.” Only the parties to the marriage can determine this. They must bear the responsibility for the train of consequences which inevitably follow if these covenants are not honored. In my opinion, “just cause” should be nothing less serious than a prolonged and apparently irredeemable relationship which is destructive of a person’s dignity as a human being.

At the same time, I have strong feelings about what is not provocation for breaking the sacred covenants of marriage. Surely it is not simply “mental distress” nor “personality differences” nor “having grown apart” nor “having fallen out of love.” This is especially so where there are children. Enduring divine counsel comes from Paul:

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” ¹⁰

“That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, [and] to love their children.” ¹¹

The Most Effective Cure

In my opinion, members of the Church have the most effective cure for our decaying family life. It is for men, women, and children to honor and respect the divine roles of both fathers and mothers in the home. In so doing, mutual respect and appreciation among the members of the Church will be fostered by the righteousness found there. In this way, the great sealing keys restored by Elijah, spoken of by Malachi, might operate “to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the children to the fathers, lest the whole earth be smitten with a curse.” ¹²

President Joseph Fielding Smith (1876–1972) stated concerning the keys of Elijah: “This sealing power bestowed upon Elijah, is the power which binds husbands and wives, and children to parents for time and eternity. It is the binding power existing in every Gospel ordinance. … It was the mission of Elijah to come, and restore it so that the curse of confusion and disorder would not exist in the kingdom of God.” ¹³ Confusion and disorder are all too common in society, but they must not be permitted to destroy our homes.

Perhaps we regard the power bestowed by Elijah as something associated only with formal ordinances performed in sacred places. But these ordinances become dynamic and productive of good only as they reveal themselves in our daily lives. Malachi said that the power of Elijah would turn the hearts of the fathers and the children to each other. ¹⁴ The heart is the center of the emotions and a conduit for revelation. This sealing power thus reveals itself in family relationships, in attributes and virtues developed in a nurturing environment, and in loving service. These are the cords that bind families together, and the priesthood advances their development. In imperceptible but real ways, “the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul [and thy home] as the dews from heaven.” ¹⁵

I testify that the blessings of the priesthood, honored by fathers and husbands and revered by wives and children, can indeed cure the cancer that plagues our society. I plead with you fathers to magnify your priesthood calling; bless your families through this sacred influence, and experience the rewards promised by our Father and God.

Notes

1.   1. 
   D&C 83:2.
2.   2. 
   D&C 83:4.
3.   3. 
   D&C 84:99.
4.   4. 
   D&C 29:48.
5.   5. 
   Karl Zinsmeister, “Fathers: Who Needs Them?” (address delivered to the Family Research Council, 19 June 1992).
6.   6. 
   “Woman’s Status,” Woman’s Exponent, 15 July 1872, 29.
7.   7. 
   2 Sam. 18:33.
8.   8. 
   Matt. 19:5–6.
9.   9. 
   Magdeleine Scudéry, in John P. Bradley and others, comps., The International Dictionary of Thoughts (1969), 472.
10.   10. 
    Eph. 5:25.
11.   11. 
    Titus 2:4.
12.   12. 
    D&C 110:15; see also Mal. 4:6.
13.   13. 
    Elijah the Prophet and His Mission (1957), 5.
14.   14. 
    See Mal. 4:5–6.
15.   15. 
    D&C 121:45.

Greed: When Enough Is Not Enough

Greed: When Enough Is Not Enough

BY RICHARD TICE

Assistant Editor

These days on television, greed seems to be the fashion: rich oilmen ruin their families for money, drug runners count their toll in ruined lives as a profit, young executives flaunt their successes with expensive cars and fancy condominiums.

Unfortunately, the media glitz suggests that greed is a problem only for certain kinds of people or that it will infect us only a few times in our lifetime. In reality, greed is a fairly universal sickness. Poverty is certainly not an antidote for it, but then, neither is wealth. You can find greed wherever you live—it knows no class, race, nation, or language.

The Symptoms of Greed
Greed shows up in many ways. Paul says, “The love of money is the root of all evil.” (1 Tim. 6:10; italics added.) The symptoms of greed are legion. For instance, Colossians 3:5 and 2 Nephi 9:30 tell us that covetousness is idolatry. [Col. 3:5, 2 Ne. 9:30] When we set our hearts upon anything other than God, we in effect worship “the image of [our] own god, whose image is in the likeness of the world.” (D&C 1:16.) Another problem that often attends avarice is the feeling that we never have enough. (See Isa. 56:11; D&C 56:17.) In many ways, greed is the antithesis of love: it does not suffer long, it is not kind, it envies, it puffs itself up, its behavior is unseemly, it seeks its own, it is easily provoked, and it thinks evil. Greed also fosters thievery, dishonesty, lust, and pride. (See 1 Cor. 13:4–5; Ex. 20:17; Micah 2:2; Micah 6:10–11; 2 Ne. 28:15.)

I first began to understand greed through one of the most unusual jobs I’ve ever had. My father and two of his army buddies started a government contracting company in South Vietnam after he retired from the service. It was one of several businesses that handled jobs the armed forces subcontracted out. Dad’s company bid on U.S. government service contracts and security jobs. In 1972, Dad suggested that I work with them that summer in helping write bids and contracts. The salary, he pointed out, would cover the expenses of my upcoming mission. Despite the danger at that time in the Far East, I decided to accept the job.

The lure and availability of money in a low-expense, unstable, war-torn nation proved fertile ground for the seeds of greed. Though the official exchange rate was 118 piasters to a dollar, the black-market rate was 450 piasters to a dollar. Many dabbled in illegal investments. At least one American I knew built a fortune that way before he was caught. Buying piasters on the black market and selling them at the official rate further weakened an already-weak money system.

During the three months I was in Saigon and Hong Kong, I spent a total of about four hundred dollars, yet I lived far better than I had in the United States. Most American civilians I knew employed several servants and lived in villas left from the French occupation. I remember several conversations I had with acquaintances about whether we were preying on a weak economy or helping to strengthen it.

Saigon featured an unusual price system—the Vietnamese paid one price, the Americans another. For example, a haircut that would cost me 1,200 piasters would cost the Vietnamese only 20 or 30. Unfortunately, even some of the more well-to-do Vietnamese were drawn by U.S. money to act dishonestly. Policemen, for instance, would stop Americans and fine them on trumped-up charges—they had to be paid before the Americans could go on their way.

That summer, the armed forces put up 690,000 tons of scrap metal for sale. Buyers would be responsible for transporting the metal outside of Vietnam, where markets paid about twelve dollars or more per ton. My father’s company bought approximately 40,000 tons of scrap, bidding seven dollars a ton, which was high bid. Dad planned to find a buyer outside of Vietnam who would advance part of the payment, enabling his company to pay the $280,000 to the U.S. government before the thirty-day deadline was up. As middleman, my father would arrange to cut the scrap into movable pieces, transport it to the dock, load it onto a boat he had scheduled, and ship it to the prospective buyers. The company could make between two and three dollars a ton.

One day, a man representing some Hong Kong investors offered to buy the scrap, promising to pay half now and half on delivery. But he kept stalling, and the deadline for payment kept getting nearer. Dad finally discovered that the man hoped to make Dad’s company forfeit so that he could buy the metal for less when it again went up for bidding. He hid his plans from the people he represented in order to pocket the difference. Fortunately, Dad got an extension to pay for the scrap, and the man was fired. However, the company had to start paying nearly one thousand dollars a day for storage.

As it turned out, there were plenty of bids for the nearly seven hundred thousand tons of scrap, but no one was able to get the metal outside of Vietnam. Transportation and labor costs skyrocketed. Each union—truck drivers, stevedores, and other workers—as well as individuals asked such high wages that moving the scrap would cause a loss. Many even sabotaged others’ efforts by refusing to work. Dad ended up paying more than twenty thousand dollars in storage costs. When the United States pulled out of the country, all the scrap metal was still there.

In those three months, I learned some sobering facts about greed. No one is immune to it, and everyone must guard against it. It shows itself in a multitude of ways. At its worst, it results in cutthroat business practices, dishonesty, cheating, lying, disloyalty, theft, inequality, and murder. At its subtlest, it alienates friends and distorts one’s values.

Another reason greed is so insidious is that it can be nearly invisible. Our contemporary life-styles not only encourage but also mask it.

A few months after my experience in Vietnam, I left for a mission in Japan. Then, in 1976, I returned to Japan, with my wife and daughter, to teach English. We rented a sparsely furnished Japanese-style house with a tiny backyard. The largest room was both living room and bedroom. We had no oven, clothes dryer, or central heater. (Most Japanese still don’t use them.) For transportation, we used bicycles and buses. Our life-style was not much different from that of most Japanese.

We enjoyed our three-year stay in Japan immensely. I missed having an oven, but I loved the way we could roll up our beds and stuff them into a closet. Cleaning such a small house (about four hundred square feet) was a snap. I learned to like sundried clothes better than clothes tumbled in a dryer. I fell in love with bicycles, and using them to go to church or to go shopping proved to be easier than I had thought. The simplicity of home life was a welcome change from the hectic pace of teaching twelve language classes and fulfilling several callings in a small branch of the Church. We could save fairly easily, too. We weren’t tempted to buy things on credit—the practice was minimal in Japan—and our expenses were low. (Our rent was about $125 a month.)

Although learning to do without some conveniences I had been used to was not easy, coming back to the States was even more difficult. I’m still amazed at how much Western society encourages and, in some cases, forces spending. Furniture, appliances, and cars are just some of the things many families expect to own. American manufacturers, for example, offer major appliances in sizes ranging from large to largest. In Japan, we owned the second-largest refrigerator model available, and it was still smaller than the smallest standard model I could find in U.S. stores. In the United States and Canada, houses are big. Those who buy a house expect to spend between $45,000 and $200,000, depending on where they live. There aren’t many less-expensive alternatives, and most of us don’t anticipate any.

Of course, living comfortably isn’t a sin. But some societies have developed such expensive standards of living that greed surreptitiously begins its work. Home owners buy larger and more expensive beds, furniture, fixtures, drapes, television sets, refrigerators, ovens, washers, dryers—and then add garages, patios, and dishwashers. Typically, people take out extensive loans and use up much of their savings and much of their income to buy these things.

Such a life-style sets traps of greed. For example, doing without can easily create a feeling of dissatisfaction, especially when we’re doing without things that we consider necessary and not luxurious. On the other hand, buying them burdens our income, and we may find ourselves chafing under financial bondage. Without realizing it, we start to long for more money, complain about how little we have or how hard things are financially, and feel that we do not yet have the “essentials.”

In thinking of the expenses of furnishing a home and putting in a yard, I often forget that I already have four to five times as many material things as I had in Japan. And compared with what the Vietnamese had when I lived in Vietnam, I’m fabulously wealthy. We simply may not recognize what we have because we’re so busy thinking about what we don’t have.

On top of this are the vast number of material attractions that go with life in well-to-do countries. Everything has better, more-expensive brands or models. There are also articles not considered “essentials” that would be fun to have: computers, videocassette recorders, second or third cars, motorbikes, boats, motor homes, air conditioners, satellite dishes, and so on. All are advertised in endless array.

Are any of these extras really bad? Many people have a number of them, and we ourselves may have bought some and discovered how much fun they are. But if we aren’t careful, can we begin to covet these things and push our faith in Jesus Christ to the background? Does our desire for pleasure and physical gratification ever undercut our efforts to live the Lord’s commandments?

It isn’t the possession of these material things that injures us as much as it is our attitudes toward them. Those of us who have sufficient for our needs must constantly guard against false expectations and warped attitudes. Dissatisfaction with what we have and eager anticipation of what we might buy next are subtle manifestations of greed. They can lead to anger about tight budgets and apparently inadequate incomes. Our attitudes and expectations can also be colored by ignorance. We may think we don’t have much or that we have about what other people have. But our lack of knowledge about other people and economies may mislead us into thinking that our standard of living really is “standard.” Last year, for instance, a visitor from Shanghai stayed with my family for a few days. He was about to return to China and wanted to take his wife some inexpensive gifts not readily available there. We took him to a department store, where he pointed out all sorts of small items that were new to him. He ended up choosing mirror sunglasses and a can opener with revolving handle.

Belief in the “Gospel of Wealth”
Sometimes greed infects those who mistakenly believe that God rewards righteous living with material wealth. Certainly, one of the oft-repeated promises in the Book of Mormon is this:

“If ye will keep my commandments ye shall prosper in the land.” (Alma 37:13.)

That parallels the more general promise: “Keep the charge of the Lord thy God, to walk in his ways, to keep his statutes, and his commandments, … that thou mayest prosper in all that thou doest.” (1 Kgs. 2:3.)

There is a difference between wealth and prosperity, however. The Lord has promised that if we serve him, we will prosper and have sufficient for our needs. But wealth is another matter. With so many millions in the world who don’t have enough for their daily needs, why should we expect the Lord to make us wealthy?

And yet, many of us continue to expect that our material conditions will automatically improve if we remain faithful. Some tithe payers even think of tithing in terms of an investment—expecting their tithes, like good stock investments, to pay dividends in greater material wealth. After all, they feel, the Lord has promised that he will open the windows of heaven to those who tithe. (See Mal. 3:8–12.) That promise, however, may have spiritual as well as temporal overtones. The only concrete promise in Malachi is that the Lord will rebuke the devourer; it makes no promise of material gain.

Elsewhere, the Lord talks about the nature of the riches that he may give us: “If ye seek the riches which it is the will of the Father to give unto you, ye shall be the richest of all people, for ye shall have the riches of eternity.” Then he adds a warning about earthly wealth: “It must needs be that the riches of the earth are mine to give; but beware of pride, lest ye become as the Nephites of old.” (D&C 38:39.)

There is no doubt that the Lord does bless us—but in his way. Many who diligently try to keep the Lord’s commandments do not flourish financially. Many, in fact, may find themselves at times unable to make ends meet. Yet they can point to spiritual riches the Lord has given them that they would never trade for a new car or a more luxurious home.

They are experiencing the blessings that accompany this admonition: “Seek not for riches but for wisdom; and, behold, the mysteries of God shall be unfolded unto you, and then shall you be made rich. Behold, he that hath eternal life is rich.” (D&C 11:7.)

Sadly though, some fall victim to greed when they think that the Lord and his church are failing them economically. Paul describes the result in his love-of-money passage: “They have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.” (1 Tim. 6:10.)

A modern-day account illustrates what some have called the “gospel of prosperity.” One couple, when they joined the Church, were enthusiastic about the gospel and Church service. But after two and a half years, they left the Church. They could never shake the idea that they ought to receive something for everything they did. The spirituality and joy they initially felt were soured by their expectations of material rewards.

We ought to have faith that the Lord will bless us for our efforts, but we must not hand him a “shopping list” of the blessings we expect to receive. Our greed begins when we think more about what God owes us than what we owe him. The Lord has promised the faithful the “riches of eternity.” We should be content with that promise and serve for the joy of serving.

Some Cures for Greed
Fortunately, the Lord has not left us helpless in a world that promotes the philosophy that we can have anything we want for money. Not only has he described the symptoms of greed clearly in the scriptures (see Prov. 15:27; Luke 12:15; Mosiah 4:21–25; D&C 104:4), he has also given us instructions on how to prevent greed or overcome it. Just as greed can undermine our allegiance to gospel principles, our allegiance to gospel principles can fortify us against greed.

One cure mentioned more than a hundred times in the standard works is giving to the poor. The ideal—no poor among us—was, in fact, achieved at least three times previous to our dispensation by people who unselfishly shared what they had. (See Acts 4:32–34; 4 Ne. 1:3; Moses 7:18.) One period in the Church during Alma’s time exemplifies how wonderfully greed can be stayed by giving:

“In their prosperous circumstances, they did not send away any who were naked, or that were hungry, or that were athirst, or that were sick, or that had not been nourished; and they did not set their hearts upon riches; therefore they were liberal to all, both old and young, both bond and free, both male and female, whether out of the church or in the church, having no respect to persons as to those who stood in need.” (Alma 1:30.)

Here, prosperity worked for the people instead of against them because they gave liberally and did not set their hearts on their possessions. If there is a “gospel of prosperity,” perhaps this is it.

Gratitude is also a wonderful cure for greed. As awareness of the gifts and love of God deepen within us, we begin to put our lives in eternal perspective. If we understand the Atonement of our Lord Jesus Christ, how can we possibly expect our good works to “earn” us more than what God has already given us? King Benjamin taught:

“If you should render all the thanks and praise which your whole soul has power to possess, to that God who has created you, and has kept and preserved you, and has caused that ye should rejoice, and has granted that ye should live in peace one with another—

“If ye should serve him who has created you from the beginning, and is preserving you from day to day, by lending you breath, that ye may live and move and do according to your own will, and even supporting you from one moment to another—I say, if ye should serve him with all your whole souls yet ye would be unprofitable servants.” (Mosiah 2:20–21.)

Perhaps the best preventive medicine is love of God and others—for charity does not envy, is not puffed up, and does not seek her own. The love of money may be the root of all evil, but “charity preventeth a multitude of sins.” (JST, 1 Pet. 4:8.) A person with the pure love of Christ wants to help, bless, and care for others rather than acquire material things to feed a self-centered attitude. Greed is an attitude we can change. We should be thankful that the Lord has given us the means by which we can overcome it.

Oneness in Marriage

By President Spencer W. Kimball (1895–1985)

Adapted from a devotional address given at Brigham Young University on 7 September 1976. The full text is published in a Deseret Book Company book, Marriage and Divorce.

Honorable, happy, and successful marriage is surely the principal goal of every normal person. Marriage is perhaps the most vital of all the decisions and has the most far-reaching effects, for it has to do not only with immediate happiness, but also with eternal joys. It affects not only the two people involved, but also their families and particularly their children and their children’s children down through the many generations.

In selecting a companion for life and for eternity, certainly the most careful planning and thinking and praying and fasting should be done to be sure that of all the decisions, this one must not be wrong. In true marriage there must be a union of minds as well as of hearts. Emotions must not wholly determine decisions, but the mind and the heart, strengthened by fasting and prayer and serious consideration, will give one a maximum chance of marital happiness. It brings with it sacrifice, sharing, and a demand for great selflessness.

Many of the TV screen shows and stories of fiction end with marriage: “They lived happily ever after.” We have come to realize that the mere performance of a ceremony does not bring happiness and a successful marriage. Happiness does not come by pressing a button, as does the electric light; happiness is a state of mind and comes from within. It must be earned. It cannot be purchased with money; it cannot be taken for nothing.

Some think of happiness as a glamorous life of ease, luxury, and constant thrills; but true marriage is based on a happiness which is more than that, one which comes from giving, serving, sharing, sacrificing, and selflessness.

Two people coming from different backgrounds learn soon after the ceremony is performed that stark reality must be faced. There is no longer a life of fantasy or of make-believe; we must come out of the clouds and put our feet firmly on the earth. Responsibility must be assumed and new duties must be accepted. Some personal freedoms must be relinquished, and many adjustments, unselfish adjustments, must be made.

One comes to realize very soon after marriage that the spouse has weaknesses not previously revealed or discovered. The virtues which were constantly magnified during courtship now grow relatively smaller, and the weaknesses which seemed so small and insignificant during courtship now grow to sizable proportions. The hour has come for understanding hearts, for self-appraisal, and for good common sense, reasoning, and planning. The habits of years now show themselves; the spouse may be stingy or prodigal, lazy or industrious, devout or irreligious; he may be kind and cooperative or petulant and cross, demanding or giving, egotistical or self-effacing. The in-law problem comes closer into focus, and the relationship of the spouse to them is again magnified.

Worldly Pressures

Often there is an unwillingness to settle down and to assume the heavy responsibilities that immediately are there. Economy is reluctant to replace lavish living, and the young people seem often too eager “to keep up with the Joneses.” There is often an unwillingness to make the financial adjustments necessary. Young wives are often demanding that all the luxuries formerly enjoyed in the prosperous homes of their successful fathers be continued in their own homes. Some of them are quite willing to help earn that lavish living by continuing employment after marriage. They consequently leave the home, where their duty lies, to pursue professional or business pursuits, thus establishing an economy that becomes stabilized so that it becomes very difficult to yield toward the normal family life. Through both spouses’ working, competition rather than cooperation enters the family. Two weary workers return home with taut nerves, individual pride, increased independence, and then misunderstandings arise. Little frictions pyramid into monumental ones.

While marriage is difficult, and discordant and frustrated marriages are common, yet real, lasting happiness is possible, and marriage can be more an exultant ecstasy than the human mind can conceive. This is within the reach of every couple, every person. “Soul mates” are fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price.

There is a never-failing formula which will guarantee to every couple a happy and eternal marriage; but like all formulas, the principal ingredients must not be left out, reduced, or limited. The selection before courting and then the continued courting after the marriage process are equally important, but not more important than the marriage itself, the success of which depends upon the two individuals—not upon one, but upon two.

In a marriage commenced and based upon reasonable standards as already mentioned, there are not combinations of power which can destroy it except the power within either or both of the spouses themselves; and they must assume the responsibility generally. Other people and agencies may influence for good or bad. Financial, social, political, and other situations may seem to have a bearing; but the marriage depends first and always on the two spouses who can always make their marriage successful and happy if they are determined, unselfish, and righteous.

The formula is simple; the ingredients are few, though there are many amplifications of each.

First, there must be the proper approach toward marriage, which contemplates the selection of a spouse who reaches as nearly as possible the pinnacle of perfection in all the matters which are of importance to the individuals. And then those two parties must come to the altar in the temple realizing that they must work hard toward this successful joint living.

Second, there must be a great unselfishness, forgetting self and directing all of the family life and all pertaining thereunto to the good of the family, subjugating self.

Third, there must be continued courting and expressions of affection, kindness, and consideration to keep love alive and growing.

Fourth, there must be a complete living of the commandments of the Lord as defined in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

With these ingredients properly mixed and continually kept functioning, it is quite impossible for unhappiness to come, misunderstandings to continue, or breaks to occur. Divorce attorneys would need to transfer to other fields and divorce courts would be padlocked.

Sharing and Sacrificing

Two individuals approaching the marriage altar must realize that to attain the happy marriage which they hope for they must know that marriage is not a legal coverall, but it means sacrifice, sharing, and even a reduction of some personal liberties. It means long, hard economizing. It means children who bring with them financial burdens, service burdens, care and worry burdens; but also it means the deepest and sweetest emotions of all.

Before marriage, each individual is quite free to go and come as he pleases, to organize and plan his life as it seems best, to make all decisions with self as the central point. Sweethearts should realize before they take the vows that each must accept literally and fully that the good of the little new family must always be superior to the good of either spouse. Each party must eliminate the “I” and the “my” and substitute therefore “we” and “our.” Every decision must take into consideration that there are two or more affected by it. As she approaches major decisions now, the wife will be concerned as to the effect they will have upon the parents, the children, the home, and their spiritual lives. The husband’s choice of occupation, his social life, his friends, his every interest must now be considered in the light that he is only a part of a family, that the totalness of the group must be considered.

A marriage may not always be even and incidentless, but it can be one of great peace. A couple may have poverty, illness, disappointment, failures, and even death in the family, but even these will not rob them of their peace. The marriage can be a successful one so long as selfishness does not enter in. Troubles and problems will draw parents together into unbreakable unions if there is total unselfishness there. During the depression of the 1930s there was a definite drop in divorce. Poverty, failures, disappointment—they tied parents together. Adversity can cement relationships which prosperity can destroy.

The marriage that is based upon selfishness is almost certain to fail. The one who marries for wealth or the one who marries for prestige or social plane is certain to be disappointed. The one who marries to satisfy vanity and pride or who marries to spite or to show up another person is fooling only himself. But the one who marries to give happiness as well as receive it, to give service as well as to receive it, and who looks after the interests of the two and then the family as it comes will have a good chance that the marriage will be a happy one.

The Need for Nourishment

Love is like a flower, and, like the body, it needs constant feeding. The mortal body would soon be emaciated and die if there were not frequent feedings. The tender flower would wither and die without food and water. And so love, also, cannot be expected to last forever unless it is continually fed with portions of love, the manifestation of esteem and admiration, the expressions of gratitude, and the consideration of unselfishness.

Total unselfishness is sure to accomplish another factor in successful marriage. If one is forever seeking the interests, comforts, and happiness of the other, the love found in courtship and cemented in marriage will grow into mighty proportions. Many couples permit their marriages to become stale and their love to grow cold like old bread or worn-out jokes or cold gravy. Certainly the foods most vital for love are consideration, kindness, thoughtfulness, concern, expressions of affection, embraces of appreciation, admiration, pride, companionship, confidence, faith, partnership, equality, and interdependence.

To be really happy in marriage, one must have a continued faithful observance of the commandments of the Lord. No one, single or married, was ever sublimely happy unless he was righteous. There are temporary satisfactions and camouflaged situations for the moment, but permanent, total happiness can come only through cleanliness and worthiness. One who has a pattern of religious life with deep religious convictions can never be happy in an inactive life. The conscience will continue to afflict, unless it has been seared, in which case the marriage is already in jeopardy. A stinging conscience can make life most unbearable. Inactivity is destructive to marriage, especially where the parties are inactive in varying degrees.

Religious differences are the most trying and among the most unsolvable of all differences.

Marriage is ordained of God. It is not merely a social custom. Without proper and successful marriage, one will never be exalted. Read the words of your Lord, that it is right and proper to be married.

That being true, the thoughtful and intelligent Latter-day Saint will plan his life carefully to be sure there are no impediments placed in the way. By making one serious mistake, one may place in the way obstacles which may never be removed and which may block the way to eternal life and godhood—our ultimate destiny. If two people love the Lord more than their own lives and then love each other more than their own lives, working together in total harmony with the gospel program as their basic structure, they are sure to have this great happiness. When a husband and wife go together frequently to the holy temple, kneel in prayer together in their home with their family, go hand in hand to their religious meetings, keep their lives wholly chaste—mentally and physically—so that their whole thoughts and desires and loves are all centered in the one being, their companion, and both work together for the upbuilding of the kingdom of God, then happiness is at its pinnacle.

Cleave to “None Else”

Sometimes in marriage there are other cleavings, in spite of the fact that the Lord said, “Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else” (D&C 42:22).

This means just as completely that “thou shalt love thy husband with all thy heart and shall cleave unto him and none else.” Frequently, people continue to cleave unto their mothers and their fathers and their chums. Sometimes mothers will not relinquish the hold they have had upon their children, and husbands as well as wives return to their mothers and fathers to obtain advice and counsel and to confide, whereas cleaving should be to the wife in most things, and all intimacies should be kept in great secrecy and privacy from others.

Couples do well to immediately find their own home, separate and apart from that of the in-laws on either side. The home may be very modest and unpretentious, but still it is an independent domicile. Your married life should become independent of her folks and his folks. You love them more than ever; you cherish their counsel; you appreciate their association; but you live your own lives, being governed by your decisions, by your own prayerful considerations after you have received the counsel from those who should give it. To cleave does not mean merely to occupy the same home; it means to adhere closely, to stick together:

“Wherefore, it is lawful that … they twain shall be one flesh, and all this that the earth might answer the end of its creation;

“And that it might be filled with the measure of man, according to his creation before the world was made” (D&C 49:16–17).

Brothers and sisters, may I say this is the word of the Lord. It is very, very serious, and there is nobody who should argue with the Lord. He made the earth; He made the people. He knows the conditions. He set the program, and we are not intelligent enough or smart enough to be able to argue Him out of these important things. He knows what is right and true.

We ask you to think of these things. Be sure that your marriage is right. Be sure that your life is right. Be sure that your part of the marriage is carried forward properly.